Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Is that Driftwood in your pocket?

DC Comics
Young Romance
Pencils: John Rosenberger
Number 158

I'm sure you have all heard the 'Old Wife's Tale' that women are attracted to money because they find nothing sexier than security. Well I'm here to tell you that that is a complete fabrication.

What woman really look for in a man is the need to be changed, changed by force if necessary. Nothing is hotter than a man who just doesn't currently live up to your expectations.

And I mean nothing.

In 'Driftwood' we meet Ellen Morse a young girl living the fantasy when she meets Ray Fleming a man who is the epitome of what you want to not want in a boyfriend. (Wow! I think I'm getting a crush already!)

That's right Ray salt water kisses do taste like tears. They really do.

Every summer Pier City fills with loser men just waiting to be changed and Ellen Morse knows it. With the instinct of a hunter Ellen pin-points a perfect hunting ground - the bus stop. Always a good place meet a man, who at the very least, really needs to buy a car.

This time Ellen hits the jack-pot because, Ray Fleming doesn't only need to buy a car, he can't even afford an apartment.

Wanting this one for herself Ellen both suggests a a place run by an older woman she sees as being no competition for Ray's affections and she also drives him there is her daddy's car.

On the trip she learns that Ray, in addition to needing a car and not being able to afford an apartment, also wants to be a beach-comber. How she doesn't jump him right then and there I'll never know.

While Mrs. Hines may not be any real competition even she can't curb her enthusiasm for the newly arrived good-for-nothing. And she quickly gives him her best room and even says she'll make him breakfast something she certainly wouldn't do for just anyone.

Upon parting ways Ray agrees to give Ellen a call and on their first date, after Ray implies that his is kind of a Casanova, Ellen can not help but fall into his arms.

But while Ellen is starting to suspect that this may be the only man she ever wants to change for the rest of her life, Ray can only think of her as a chick with some phat ca$h. Which, if Ellen would have known, would have really worked for her.

All is going well until Ellen makes the mistake of introducing Ray to her best friend Virginia Clemens, a girl whose family's 'old money' makes Ellen look like a Dickenian street urchin. Who instantly, seeing what a fixer upper Ellen had scored herself, concocted a plan to make him hers.

At the party Ray's sexy weakness of character maded it easy work for Virginia to steal him away.

And instantly Virginia gets to work on changing Ray by improving his kissing technique and upgrading him from his bus pass.

The clothes were next on the agenda but there was something that Virginia hadn't considered.

That Ellen had already started to change him.

And she had made a change that helped bring Ray back to her.

And with so many other changes needed can there be any questions that they lived happily ever after.


  1. saltwater kisses taste like tears!!! !!! !!! !!!

  2. Spectergirl: You razor sharp insight into the male animal never fails to impress. Of Course Ray is irresistible to the ladies: he's shiftless, lazy, lacks ambition, and has no moral backbone to speak of. Naturally he blows into town on a Grehound and biff-bam-boom, he has two well-heeled foxes falling over themselves. I keep telling my son – forget that college crap. Just keep your eyes peeled for a single piece o’ fine driving a Porsche. -- Mykal

  3. Mykal: Exactly! Isn't it a shame how kids just don't listen to their parents. I mean I too have a lot of wisdom to share in area of relationships but I don't think my boys will ever take the time to benefit from my knowledge.

    Maybe if you could just convince your son that, if he must have that highfalutin education of his, he at least wait until some hottie with a rich daddy comes along and feels the need to smarten him up.

  4. I love how she yells "Square!!" Magnifico!

  5. Jacque: Yes! That is great. And I completely love the image of the blonde after she walks in on them kissing. I'm not sure I have seen a better "totally pissed" panel in my life.