How to Keep Your Man!

Too Much Loving ... Too Many Tears!
Girl's Romance
DC Comics 
Story Art by Art Saaf and Vince Colletta
Number 150
1970

Ladies, whether you like your romance covers to sport Paul Marron or you're more the Nick Cardy type, nothing sells it like a little eye candy. With this in mind, and so much time since my last post, I figured why waste time? Why not jump straight to hot blonde in wheelchair? (Remember ladies, if your man's in a wheelchair, you'll always have a lap to sit on.) True, it would have been more awesome if he was sporting only the bottoms of those grandpa pj's, the fact that he is shedding a single tear completely makes it all better. Side Note: The husband of a friend of mine has a tear fetish.

Stop Pitying Him! I can give you love! Tall, dark and suited-up, isn't half bad either.


With this cover, already DC has outdone themselves. But Too Much Loving ... Too Many Tears! is more than a killer cover, it's a roller coaster ride of heartache, insecurity and confusion. And it's either a Goofus and Gallant "bad example" for dealing with insecurities in a romantic relationship or step-by-step instructions on how to crush a man's self-esteem in order to keep him in check. I like to think of it as the later.
 
What I am saying is ... You'll likely want to take notes!

When we are first introduced to Vanessa Jones she seems a bit of a player. With both a rising football star and an up and coming businessman in tow, she finds herself in quite the dilemma.

Oh, poor Vanessa. How could you possibly bring yourself to break the heart of either of these two delicious men. They do seem to get along rather well, perhaps ...

Well, dilemma or not, Vanessa eventually makes a decision.

If Wally was a soccer player I might understand the choice.

Once her decision is made, like any intelligent woman, Vanessa knows she needs to lock-that-down. The faster the better.

That's right Vanessa, don't let that man out of your sight.

And, of course when you are the woman of a soon-to-be athletic superstar, it is vastly important to keep him unsure of your love.

 

Because a man unsure of your affection, is a man striving with every breath to secure it.

Vanessa knows that keeping a man insecure can be a delicate operation. You must keep him in constant doubt of your faithfulness and yet not so insecure that he runs to find comfort in the arms of another. To accomplish this you need to provide just enough ego stroking praise to fuel his desperate desire for your approval.

But not too much!

I guess... That's the way you do it Vanessa! You're a natural.

But, no matter how well things seem to be going, it is always critical that you still take cues from his body language and tone so that you can fine tune your approach on the fly.

Great save!

But remember, because life is full of surprises, any plan needs to be ready for obstacles to pop up. This plan is no different.

With Wally injured it is important that Vanesse gets her man out of a public hospital and cloistered away somewhere private. As a famous athlete, cameras and reporters gushing all over him, not to mention the constant offers of pity-sex from hospital staff, can really do a number on severely stunted self-esteem.

As I'm sure you have already guessed, the attentions of some do-gooder like the hospital doctor could have already caused some majordamage to your man's artificially suppressed feelings of self-worth.

It's damage control time. It's time to step up your game.

If you act dreamy all evening after that kiss on the cheek, you'll start to see the results you're hoping for.

But remember, if you do it to well you'll likely see side effects.

This isn't the time to pull your punches. If you want to guarantee your man never strays, you have to be tough.

Remember, in extreme cases, you can't let yourself be afraid to surpass self-esteem destruction and plow right through to soul crushing.

Result!

 Tears. A sure sign you'll never lose his love.

Tears or no, don't soften. Stick to the plan, only a few more steps to go.

Shock!

Rage!

Confusion!

Embarrassment!

Keeping Control!

You now have the knowledge. Put it to good use.

The Facts of Life about Men - Conservative vs With It!

"The Facts of Life"
Young Romance
DC Comics
Cover Art by Jay Scott Pike
Story Art by Jack Abel and Vince Colletta
Number 178
1972

Growing up my younger sister and I were very, very different. She was the cheerleader to my Goth chick. I was the book lover to her total hater of books and those who read them. She was the mean girl to my attempt to be kind to everyone.

Our differences are only slightly less pronounced today.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and, quite frankly, I totally envy her ability to verbally castrate a man in mere seconds. It is amazing, even if a little uncomfortable, to watch. But, while I have no doubt that that ability lies dormant just below my surface, I'm not sure I would ever want to harness it.

Truth be told, my parents just didn't raise meek girls. One of the things my father is fond of saying is I'm surprised that either of my daughters were able to have children. I thought their balls would get in the way.

Yeah, that about sums us both up pretty well.

Of all our differences, our taste in men is certainly one of the bigger ones. I pursued tall and smart. (I wasn't always successful.) She was after short and none too bright. (She wasn't always successful either.)

Despite this difference in taste, I once made the mistake of telling her I found a specific guy attractive. She instantly went over to him and spent the next little while flirting with him. Shoulder touching, Bicep stroking, hair flipping. She was good.

Of course she said she did this just to see if he would be a good match for you. Yeah, I didn't believe her either.

It wasn't much of a loss since I really only found him attractive because he was late every where he went and his clothes were always so wrinkled he looked liked he must have picked them up off of the floor and got dressed in a dark closet. For some reason I found that endearing. (Perhaps I imagined him as having so many weighty mathematical equations in his head that he was too distracted to dress himself like the adult he was.) Needless to say, I avoided the same mistakes in the future.

But, as always, I have gone off on a tangent. Sorry!

Well today's story is about two sisters who also struggle with differing taste in men. (Though they can, no doubt, agree on how much leg to show!)

In The Facts of Life, Emily and Ina seem to always butt heads regarding the qualities most important in a man. Emily going for the young biker Santa set and, while Ina, preferring the stock broker sensibilities, she's more interested in what is on the inside.

This is a pointless argument. Emily certainly isn't a bra wearer and Ina, no doubt, is. In my experience women that different aren't likely to ever agree on anything.

And, while admittedly, I like a man in a suit, Andy's got such a crazy jawline in that lower left panel that even the suit isn't working for him. Of course if one were dating Frank, no question who will be paying for dinner.

In the lower left panel Emily looks like here sandals are too small. Perhaps she could afford sandals that fit if she didn't have to pay for all of her and Frank's dates.

Looks like someone let a werewolf in the house. But that werewolf looks pretty damn hot in that suit and tie so I vote that he gets to stay!

See, it really is what is on the inside that is important. Though I can't help but wonder if Frank is going to have to ask Emily to dress a little less like a prostitute while accompanying him to school functions.

Are you afraid to grow up?

I'm the first to admit that I have never been good with growing up.

On my 23rd birthday I cried because I thought that 22 was the best age you could ever be and now it was behind me. And it could only be down hill from there, right?

I'm glad to announce that I was wrong.

When I was 29 my husband and I bought a house. A few days before signing the loan papers I was in full panic mode. Thoughts of living in a houseboat or moving from youth hostel to youth hostel flashed through my head. Anything but being tied to a specific piece of land FOREVER.

On this one I was a little bit right.

But oddly nothing has ever made me feel more grown up than giving up my Jeep for a family car when my 2nd son was on his way. Not the house, not turning thirty, not even when Saturday morning cartoons changes from a bunch of adults hanging out in our loft eating trashy cereal and watching Superfriends on DVD to hanging out in bed in a pile of children while eating muffins and watching the Brave and The Bold on DVR. (At least I drive Aaron's Jeep most mornings. But mine was a bright yellow that looked great with my hair, so it still isn't the same.)

How about you? Are you afraid of growing up? Perhaps you're not sure and are in dire need of a scientific test to give you the answer. No need to fear! Cosmo isn't the only publication with the insightful self-tests you so desperately need in order to function within your own very complex life or to answer such taxing questions. No longer do you have only one resource for the answer to questions such as Is Your Boyfriend Jealous of Your Friends? or Are You Ready For A Thong Wardrobe Maker? - nope, not with DC Comics' Heart Throbs.

It's time to find out: Are you afraid to grow up?

Heart Throbs No. # 144 - August 1972, DC Comics

Being the dedicated blogger that I am, I have not only taken the test, but I'm willing share this rare glimpse into my psyche.

I scored a 52 so I've come along way! How did you score? I've shared mine. Now you must share yours.

First Impressions - Comics I just had to buy.

With my husband working nights again I decided to do a quick search through my ever growing romance comic collection for something to post and quite frankly I just couldn't decide. There were just way too many covers that sold me on the book before I even opened its pages.

First impressions are everything. And that is doubly true for romance.

It. Is. Everything. I can not stress that enough.

I remember once meeting the mother of a man I was dating only to have her eyes rake me from tights to t-shirt and say "So, how old is she?" A question she didn't even both to direct to me. Perhaps I should have upgraded my jean cut offs for a skirt or something because she, obviously, was not impressed. And I'm awesome!

My husband once threw-up on a first date. Yep, and he wasn't even drunk! Did he get a second date? I don't remember for sure, but I am guessing no.

Then of course, coming at it from the other side, I once had a guy try to pick me up at a club who had, no more than three weeks early, tried for 20 minutes to grope me in a mosh pit and was saved only by the fact that eventually some gigantic would-be-viking man decided that I fell under his protection. Was I not supposed to remember that? Well I did. Woman remember EVERYTHING.

Good or bad, you only have one shot at a first impressions. Just like in life, a comic also has only moments to sell you on it value. In my opinion, the following did their job. And did it well.

(Time For Love #20, 1972. Cover artist unknown)

I'm not sure what the misunderstanding is but if it involves cage dancing, I'm in!

(Just Married # 86, 1972. Cover artist unknown)

I like how her husband's thrown out arm, with its pushed up sleeve, imply that the guy must shoot up with heroine or something. I'll let you in on a little secret ... it's LSD.

(Sweethearts # 123, 1972. Cover artist unknown)

We all know how much woman hate a man who has an island! This cover makes me what to buy it AND feed that woman a sandwich.

(Young Love # 119, Dec./Jan 1975, 76'. Cover artist Art Saaf?)

I hope when one of my sons goes to prison (because there's no doubt really) that they have a good woman to love them.

(Secret Romance # 29, 1974. Cover artist Art Cappello)

I'm just plain drawn to the gentleman with graying hair who seems to be having a rather elaborate internal dialog about that couple making out in public. What does he know that we don't?

(Secret Romance # 23, Dec./Jan 1973. Cover artist Art Cappello)

I think the blind, even the temporarily blind, should be more often represented in comics.

(Time For Love # 23, 1971. Cover artist by Art Cappello)

Like a dream come true. Another blind guy. Apparently women with low self-esteem love to score with the visually impaired.

(Romantic Story # 126, 1973. Cover artist by Art Cappello)

If he can't be blind, he can at least be dead. She seems more upset that she already paid for the honeymoon than she does that her man is dead. Just to prove that I'm right, I'll let you know she hooks up before the end of the trip.

Now, aren't you just dying for me to post these stories? I thought so.

What's Your New Year's Resolution?

Hope that 2010 treated you well. But, no matter how great a year was, there is always room for a little improvement.

Yes, it is time for everyone's New Year resolutions. For me, mine consists primarily of trying to make more blogging time and, at the same time, getting my pregnant ass back into the gym. I have to exercise for two you know!

So what are yours?

For those that are needing a little inspiration, As Told To Stan Lee thought we would bring you some possible ideas of how to make 2011 your best year yet!

(Brides In Love, Vol 1, Number 19 - Charlton 1960)

Perhaps 2011 is the year to put an end to your wild days of being a single!

(Falling In Love, Number 117 - DC 1970)

Or maybe it is just time to dump that special person in your life.

(For Lovers Only, Number 66 - Charlton 1972)

Maybe you want to work on improving your pick-up lines.

(Heart Throbs, Number 121 - DC 1969)

Of course, there could be that little detail you might finally want to mention to the police.

s

(For Lovers Only, Number 70 - Charlton 1973)

Perhaps you want to spice it up by stealing a man from one of your girlfriends OR maybe you resolve to stop doing that sort of thing so much.

(1st Issue Special, Number 4 - Lady Cop - 1975)

But, if nothing else, maybe you could just settle on learning to take a punch.

Hope this helps in your quest for the perfect New Year's resolution and hope you have a great New Year!

More Vietnam-Time Romance.

"Second Choice!"
Heart Throb

DC Comics

Cover Art by Nick Cardy
Story Art by Tony Arbuzzo
Number 121
1969

Once again we have a story in which the Vietnam War plays somewhat of a role. In this case, it allows for a convenient set-up where we can find a newly married man raising another man's baby without implying anything improper on anyone's part.

Okay, so convenient may be a bit of an exaggeration. The whole set up is terribly contrived and seems wholly unnecessary. But we are talking about the moral standards of the 'Code' and not necessarily a reflection of reality. I mean surely my parents weren't the only young teens driven down South for a quickie wedding in the late 1960's.

With Second Choice! we enter a story already underway. In a scene played out a thousand times before, Jim walks in on his girlfriend Amy in the arms of another man. The arms of a good friend.

Jim, though madly in love with Amy, is a complete gentleman about the situation and even acts as the Best Man in the wedding. But don't worry, give him a chance, he will eventually show his true colors and like all men reveal himself to be the tool he really is.

Now, of course, things get complicated. Serving together, Billy is a constant reminder to Jim of the woman he loves and the life that would have been his.

And then tragedy strikes.

Wounded himself, Jim is soon home. And thrown together by circumstance, it is only a matter of time before the feelings Amy felt for Jim before meeting Billy start to come back.

It only takes 3 months of marriage before the reality of having a baby really starts to sink in for Jim.

And raising someone else's baby at that.

Eventually the sleep deprivation has Jim cracking up.

And when you are THAT tired, not to mention badly in need of a quick tumble in the back room of a Thom McAn, you are bound to act like a jackass.

What a tool.

Of course, everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves.

It is hard to believe it took Jim that long to figure it out. Maybe that war wound was a head injury.