Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What's Your New Year's Resolution?

Hope that 2010 treated you well. But, no matter how great a year was, there is always room for a little improvement.

Yes, it is time for everyone's New Year resolutions. For me, mine consists primarily of trying to make more blogging time and, at the same time, getting my pregnant ass back into the gym. I have to exercise for two you know!

So what are yours?

For those that are needing a little inspiration, As Told To Stan Lee thought we would bring you some possible ideas of how to make 2011 your best year yet!

(Brides In Love, Vol 1, Number 19 - Charlton 1960)

Perhaps 2011 is the year to put an end to your wild days of being a single!

(Falling In Love, Number 117 - DC 1970)

Or maybe it is just time to dump that special person in your life.

(For Lovers Only, Number 66 - Charlton 1972)

Maybe you want to work on improving your pick-up lines.

(Heart Throbs, Number 121 - DC 1969)

Of course, there could be that little detail you might finally want to mention to the police.

(For Lovers Only, Number 70 - Charlton 1973)

Perhaps you want to spice it up by stealing a man from one of your girlfriends OR maybe you resolve to stop doing that sort of thing so much.

(1st Issue Special, Number 4 - Lady Cop - 1975)

But, if nothing else, maybe you could just settle on learning to take a punch.

Hope this helps in your quest for the perfect New Year's resolution and hope you have a great New Year!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How can he love anyone who looks like me? or How to pick up a girl with low self-esteem.

"How Can He Love Anyone Who Looks Like ME?"
Girls Romances
Cover Art by Nick Cardy
Story Art by Jim Pike
Number 144

As a number of you already know, a certain "ailment" has kept me from blogging for some weeks now. Currently I am feeling quite myself again and thought I would try to throw up a post while I still can.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love me a good low self-esteem story. The lower the better. And since it will be only a matter of months before I will be lamenting the same thing, As Told to Stan Lee is happy to present "How Can He Love Anyone Who Looks Like Me?"

In this story we meet the hideous troll that is Joanie, a beautiful blond with one ugly secret. (If you are guessing a third nipple or penis, you are, much to everyone's disappointment, mistaken.)

Like so many girls, it really just takes a single, stupid man to destroy Joanie's self-esteem. In this story, it is David. To help with any confusion from here on out we will refer to him as "Mr. Smooth".

Mr. Smooth seems to be doing quite well this evening with his flattery and attentions, that is until he shows himself to be the dumbass we all suspected him to be.

Yes, he actually said that. Oddly, Joanie doesn't see this for what it is, a stupid comment from a boy who is not likely to get any for a very long time. And instead lets it destroy her fragile self-esteem for years to come.

Good job jackass.

So from that point on, despite her good looks, her adequate rack and her fine ass, Joanie decides to dwell on a mole.

Truthfully her obsession with her mole seems to be her least attractive quality.

Joanie's life looks to be one of loneliness and, possibly, bell ringing. That is until one fateful night when she meets a man who knows his way around a girl with low self-esteem.

Step #1 - Ask her if she is married or going steady, thus implying that you see her as having value.

Step #2 - Talk about not being able to love anyone until you met her.

Step #3 - Tell her she is beautiful.

Step #4 - Tell her how you love that thing about her that she hates so much.

See, it's just SO easy.

As a woman I feel a little bit like a traitor for sharing the keys to scoring with a girl who has low self-esteem but I figure it does go both ways.

That's why it's so easy to score with guys who like comic books!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Mexican Madness! The return of Hump Day with Jonnie L♥ve

"Mexican Madness!"
Teen-Age Love
Charlton Comics
Cover and Story Art by José Luis Garcia-Lopex
Number 95

Ah yes, the term "Mexican Madness" brings such fantastical images to mind. The possibilities seem almost endless. Possibilities that can't be dampened even by the laws of mortal men.

So, when I found that Jonnie Love starred in a story by that title, I knew I must posses it. Which then lead to Hump Day with Jonnie Love.

Now my schedule has left poor Jonnie by the wayside for a few weeks, but not forgotten. So today, I will present the 2nd to last tale in the Hump Day series. The one that started it all, 'Mexican Madness!' So please seat back and enjoy ... well, an extremely similar Jonnie Love story to the one we just read back in Teen-Age Love # 93.

As the Jonnie Love saga continues, Jonnie has once again gotten turned around only to head back into the open arms of sunny Mexico. Of course, as always, his off-beat bearded beatnik looks draw all kinds of attention.

And, in the economic boom that was Mexico in 1973, it isn't long before employment falls right into his lap.

Accepting the job due to a lack of 'bread', Jonnie agrees to accompany the "couple" back to their hotel. (Wow, this is getting even wilder than I dared imagine!) And then Jonnie, the man who seems to possess only a guitar and the cloths on his back, whips out a blue suit and ascot as if from another dimension.

Luckily for Jonnie, Uncle Arthur, everyone's favorite guardian, isn't well enough to attend dinner and generously offers this car for the young pair's use.

Of course, nothing makes for a more romantic evening than a little queso fundido and the music of a mariachi band.

Maybe it was the setting of moonlight and ancient history, or perhaps it was the warm breeze and the smell of nicotine breath, but Jonnie Love finds himself falling for Susan. Or, at least, falling enough.

But if I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, you can not trust a blonde with that must volume.

We were all well aware that something about Jonnie Love makes people what to run him down in a car, but this is the first time I realized that there was something about his motorcycle that makes people want to shove diamonds into its gas tank.

Too bad "the Latimers" hadn't bothered to read Teen-Age Love #93. If they had, they would have known how Jonnie Love rolls.

Happy Hump Day everyone!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Proof that 'Teen Love Stories' was written and edited by a bunch of old men.

( Teen Love Stores Magazine# 2, 1967)

If it is 1967 and you have trouble telling the Beatles apart you probably shouldn't be working on a love stories magazine for girls.

Also, put out that cigar, smoking will eventually be found to cause cancer.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

More Vietnam-Time Romance.

"Second Choice!"
Heart Throb
DC Comics
Cover Art by Nick Cardy
Story Art by Tony Arbuzzo
Number 121

Once again we have a story in which the Vietnam War plays somewhat of a role. In this case, it allows for a convenient set-up where we can find a newly married man raising another man's baby without implying anything improper on anyone's part.

Okay, so convenient may be a bit of an exaggeration. The whole set up is terribly contrived and seems wholly unnecessary. But we are talking about the moral standards of the 'Code' and not necessarily a reflection of reality. I mean surely my parents weren't the only young teens driven down South for a quickie wedding in the late 1960's.

With Second Choice! we enter a story already underway. In a scene played out a thousand times before, Jim walks in on his girlfriend Amy in the arms of another man. The arms of a good friend.

Jim, though madly in love with Amy, is a complete gentleman about the situation and even acts as the Best Man in the wedding. But don't worry, give him a chance, he will eventually show his true colors and like all men reveal himself to be the tool he really is.

Now, of course, things get complicated. Serving together, Billy is a constant reminder to Jim of the woman he loves and the life that would have been his.

And then tragedy strikes.

Wounded himself, Jim is soon home. And thrown together by circumstance, it is only a matter of time before the feelings Amy felt for Jim before meeting Billy start to come back.

It only takes 3 months of marriage before the reality of having a baby really starts to sink in for Jim.

And raising someone else's baby at that.

Eventually the sleep deprivation has Jim cracking up.

And when you are THAT tired, not to mention badly in need of a quick tumble in the back room of a Thom McAn, you are bound to act like a jackass.

What a tool.

Of course, everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves.

It is hard to believe it took Jim that long to figure it out. Maybe that war wound was a head injury.