Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How can he love anyone who looks like me? or How to pick up a girl with low self-esteem.

"How Can He Love Anyone Who Looks Like ME?"
Girls Romances
Cover Art by Nick Cardy
Story Art by Jim Pike
Number 144

As a number of you already know, a certain "ailment" has kept me from blogging for some weeks now. Currently I am feeling quite myself again and thought I would try to throw up a post while I still can.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love me a good low self-esteem story. The lower the better. And since it will be only a matter of months before I will be lamenting the same thing, As Told to Stan Lee is happy to present "How Can He Love Anyone Who Looks Like Me?"

In this story we meet the hideous troll that is Joanie, a beautiful blond with one ugly secret. (If you are guessing a third nipple or penis, you are, much to everyone's disappointment, mistaken.)

Like so many girls, it really just takes a single, stupid man to destroy Joanie's self-esteem. In this story, it is David. To help with any confusion from here on out we will refer to him as "Mr. Smooth".

Mr. Smooth seems to be doing quite well this evening with his flattery and attentions, that is until he shows himself to be the dumbass we all suspected him to be.

Yes, he actually said that. Oddly, Joanie doesn't see this for what it is, a stupid comment from a boy who is not likely to get any for a very long time. And instead lets it destroy her fragile self-esteem for years to come.

Good job jackass.

So from that point on, despite her good looks, her adequate rack and her fine ass, Joanie decides to dwell on a mole.

Truthfully her obsession with her mole seems to be her least attractive quality.

Joanie's life looks to be one of loneliness and, possibly, bell ringing. That is until one fateful night when she meets a man who knows his way around a girl with low self-esteem.

Step #1 - Ask her if she is married or going steady, thus implying that you see her as having value.

Step #2 - Talk about not being able to love anyone until you met her.

Step #3 - Tell her she is beautiful.

Step #4 - Tell her how you love that thing about her that she hates so much.

See, it's just SO easy.

As a woman I feel a little bit like a traitor for sharing the keys to scoring with a girl who has low self-esteem but I figure it does go both ways.

That's why it's so easy to score with guys who like comic books!


  1. SpecterGirl: "That's why it's so easy to score with guys who like comic books!"

    No offense to my fellow comic book fans, but "scoring" might be putting it a bit grandly. When it comes to sex, "allowing" might be closer the mark.

    Nice to see you back in form, Spectergirl. Hope your ailments are all in the past.

  2. Mykal: Well perhaps I was being a bit generous! :)

    And thank you, I am feeling much better at the moment but this ailment will need a total of 9 months to run it course. I will soon be in the market for a nice shoe to live in.

  3. "Throw up a post"? That can't be accidental.

    Oh, and, "Hey, Hold It! There's a Bug On Your Face!" needs to be a blog, a Tumblr feed, something.

    Oh Oh, that Nick Cardy cover is the bee's knees.

  4. Wow, how could I have missed this my first go round That cover is super duper sexy!!

  5. Rob!: "Hey, Hold It! There's a Bug On Your Face!" WOULD made a GREAT blog title!

    It would work wonderfully for a dating advice blog!

    Mykal: How did you miss that?! It is both super sexy AND patriotic!

  6. "Oh, Phil, Phil..."

    What she'd've really said:

    "What? This hideous thing on my face! You could've said my eyes, my hair, my personality! My god, you could even've said my tits, or my ass, or my legs or my teeth! But you were attracted to me because of this thing, a hideous collection of potentially cancerous cells slowly growing across my face, eating their way into my skin, corroding my well being, my very soul, waiting for the day it finally kills me or I can afford to laser it out of existence! Why you sick bastard! What are you, some kind of pervert?"