Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Covers of Disappointment

If you read comics you know the bitter sting of disappointment. Be it scooping up that issue of Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane whose cover, yet again, boasts the much anticipated matrimony of the titular character or all those issues of Batman whose cover's featured the death of Robin. (Well, except for that one time.)

Reading Romance Comics is no different! Bitter "Cover Disappointment" runs rampant. Like a man with a sock down his pants, appearances are not always what they seem.

Today I am going to share with you three prime examples of covers that make you think the inside story is going to totally kick-ass but that, in the sad light of day, is just another loser who doesn't look nearly as much like Cary Grant as you thought he did at last call.

Marvel Comics
Our Love Story

Oh, I know what you are thing, "Quick! To eBay!" but please don't jump the gun here. This good looking cover by John Buscema is like a slap in the face. In "And So We'll Be Married!", an actual "As Told To: Stan Lee" feature, our leading chick IS NOT in love with some yellow jump-suit wearing dork with a red sash tied around his thick middle. Nope! She is only at a Woodstock style hippiefest where the only band shown is too far away to see. There is no "Super Star" infatuation.

"Broken Promise .. Broken Heart!" is right!

DC Comic's
Young Romance

Damn! This looked like a great one. Sad, crying daughter, hussy of a mother both competing for a scarecrow of a man with a white Nehru jacket and, possibly, a black pompadour. But no, this Nick Cardy cover is a complete lie.

The mother is actually a dignafied redhead with a cute bob of a hair cut, an adorable button nose and a pair of respectable flats. The boy in questions, a clean cut blonde whose wardrobe seems to consist of only turtle-necks, v-neck sweaters and slacks.

The pain of this particualer disappointment was acute.

DC Comics
Girls' Romances

If stealing my 15¢ isn't enough, what exactly DOES Nick Cardy need to do to get arrested? Kill a man? Needless to say, in "I Couldn't Be Faithful" Diane COULD actually be faithful. And NEVER does she dance with a young Uncle Sam.

As with any hurts, the pain of disappointment does heal but, as it should, it leaves you a bit jaded.

Remember: Books should be judged by their covers, NOT comics.


  1. SpecterGirl: My heart skipped a beat at the cover of the "mature blond" of the second cover. Oh, hell yes. The key here, to the discerning eye, is that this well-preserved hottie is wearing roman style sandals. The kids of today might not understand the subtle signal being sent here. It means "orgy" you damn pups! It means "divorced-mom-seeking-friend-NOT-for marriage"! "God-bless it, do I have to explain everything to you people?

    Lord, youth is wasted on the young. Why, back in my day . . . I'm sorry, what was I saying? Who took my sweater?

  2. Mykal: I'm impressed with what I am sure is a VAST knowledge of code for "no strings attached sex" but exactly how is that going to help me in this situation? Now the ugly scar left by this major disappointment has been opened anew. And is more deeply felt then ever!

    And so that you too can experience a little taste of my disappointment, the mother in question IS NOT divorced. And the solution to the problem? She starts going bowling with the father!

    Now I KNOW that Nick Carty is a true son-of-a-bitch! And I will NOT forgive him.

  3. SpecterGirl: Of course. In my unbridled lust for mom, I forgot completely the main objective of the post and your pain. Forgive me for pouring salt into the wound. Bowling with the father. Lord, I had no idea.

  4. Mykal: As to the where-abouts of your sweater- I swiped it when you chased me off your lawn!

  5. Ghost: Don't worry. I'm am sure there is some kind of footwear choice that Mykal is aware of that is code for "I knit". I'm going to guess Birkenstocks.

  6. Those Nick Cardy covers are amazing. I would even consider buying icky girls comics with those kinds of covers.

  7. Rob!: Yes, but you would have been sadly, sadly disappointed with these issues because, apparently, Nick Cardy knows nothing of honesty. Rumor has it he was born without a soul. Well, technically I started the rumor, but still!