Wednesday, October 12, 2011

There is Always Time for Workplace Romance!

"Beware, My Love"
Career Girl Romances
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Charles Nicholas & Vince Alascia
Number 75

I have a confession. I've never dated someone I met through work *gasp* but Career Girl Romances leads me to believe that if you were so inclined you'd be hard pressed to throw a stapler without hitting a would be lover.

In fact a friend of mine once claimed to have met the man of his dreams at "the office". He worked at one of those 900 numbers and was always trying to get everyone else to join up because the pay was okay and it "was a fun place to meet other people". Assuming you wanted to meet other people who had the same terrible job you did.

Of course that totally didn't happen because the outcome would have inevitably been a bad one. Lonely Pervert: Hi, how are you doing? Me: Been better. Lonely Pervert: What are you wearing? Me: A Welcome Funeral Directors T-Shirt and men's wing tips I got at the thrift store for $3. Isn't that a bargain?! Lonely Pervert: Um ... Can I talk to someone else? (No offense to the lonely or perverted. Only the lonely and perverted willing to spend $4.99 per minute.)

So perhaps I just missed my workplace affair window. Unless of course you would count the guy who was always trying to corner me alone in the dressing rooms after closing when I worked retail, a writer for the newspaper I freelanced for that said he'd "really find me attractive if I didn't dress so weird." (Okay, if you don't appreciate Fall of the House of Usher chic why are even bothering me?) or the strange man who, after a short conversation about his cable bill when I worked at a customer service call center, went on to explain, in a deeply seductive voice, every detail of how he wanted to drive to my house, sneak inside, feel the side of my oven still warm from where (he hoped) I had been baking, quietly open its door, pull the racks free and climb inside. (God I miss that job!)

Yeah, didn't think they counted either.

"Beware, My Love" is a short story that shows us just how easy it is to find true love at the office. Even while dressed like you're in a barbershop quartet.

When the attractive Derek Ames walks into Lila Cooper waiting room she can't help but like him. Firstly, he wears a tie and all women like ties on some level (probably because it is kind of like a leash), he sports a black shirt like he is in the mob (it's that bad boy thing again) and he asked her to lunch even though she is dressed like a carnie.

Despite the fact that Miss Cooper has probably let hundred, if not thousands, of unsuspecting men into her bosses office to be screwed over, and good, this time, with Derek Ames' resent kindness fresh in her memory, Lila feel true remorse.

After tipping Ames off and suggesting he does not sign the contract, Derek, not great at improve, makes an awkward exist and Lila's boss becomes belligerent.

Derek asks Lila to lunch once again hoping she will explain why he shouldn't have signed the contract. And this time, slipping on a jacked that helps her to look less carnie and more Mary Poppens, Lila accepts.

I like the crows feet on Derek's eyes. If those were on a female the story would inevitably be about being too old to love.

When they part ways after lunch Lila has high hopes for both a new job and more time with Derek.

Drive-In! At this rate she'll be able to quit that new job any day now!

Lets hope Lila is a WAY better kisser than a typist because that could really lead to an uncomfortable yearly review.


  1. All the guys you mentioned in paragraph 4 still had more game than I.

  2. rob!: Didn't you pick up lunch for Loretta Swit or something? Seems to me, for that scenario to ever occur, you'd have to have far more game than a guy with an oven fetish.

  3. Where I work, there is a policy against "dating" coworkers. It's actually in the policy manual. The effect of this rule, naturally, is that it makes everyone seem hot as hell. It's sort of the same phenomenon as being 3/4 drunk in a bar a half hour before closing: it simply alters reality, giving everyone an erotic glow.

    Your oven man fascinates me. He must hate the popularity of microwaves. You've also made me wonder about the "tie as leash" concept. The next time one of the females at work straightens my tie, I'll be on to her little game!

  4. Mykal: Oh Lord! The tie straightening think is TOTALLY a come on! That's a woman's way of testing the fabric quality for tie-up potential. That must be some powerfully written policy manual.

    The oven guy was f'ing crazy. First he just seemed to be making small talk while I looked something or other up on this account. He asked me if I liked to bake. Asked if I preferred gas or electric and then the conversation went down hill from there. It went on for at least another 35 minutes. (I was new enough at the job that I wasn't sure exactly how to terminate the call. And I certainly didn't want to be rude!) At some point in the conversation he insisted that he was going to mail me a chicken recipe that never came. The best is that there was a "note" page on each cable account where you were supposed to leave details about your call and his contained page after page of Mr. So-in-so called AGAIN and talked about crawling into my oven. Said he would mail me a chicken recipe.

    We also had a man who regularly called in who spoke every little English. You'd pick up the call and he would scream "Sex" over and over. That was your cue to turn on his Pay-Per-View. We were warned about him ahead of time while in training but it was still rather startling the first time I received his call.

    I've always joked to Aaron about writing a book about the ultra strange calls I received while working there. If I ever do I will title it Why Are There Monkey's On My TV? and other stories.

    BTW, I just thought you should know, last week I had 2 people find my blog by searching bootylicious nurses! It makes me SO proud!.*dabs at eyes*