Spock is Dreamy

"They Always Say They Love Me"
Teen Confessions
Charlton Comics
Number 55
1969

I have always had a weakness for smart men. In fact there is really nothing as attractive as a guy with brains. Now, I'm not talking about those men who like to think they're smarter than you are (I've never met one that was.) and feel the need to always be teaching you something important at every turn. (Ugh!) I'm talking the truly intelligent. Of course, with smart men, you will likely have to over look a twelve-sided die at some point, but nothing is impossible if you really put your mind to it.

My own darling husband has an IQ in something like the 160's but luckily he seems to use it from nothing more obnoxious than a nearly photographic memory of comics and an ability to recall all of the of words to 80's rap, (This is the 80's and Loc is down with the ladies.) Okay, so maybe that is a little obnoxious.

Charlton Comics, with its obvious understanding of Isaac Asimov's Spock is Dreamy hypothesis, bring us a tale of bad boys, smart men and a lot of fist-to-cuts. Sweet!

In They Always Say They Love Me we are thrown into the middle of a would be love-triangle already in progress.

Tina is a high school girl with a weakness for the velvet Nehru jacket/poet shirt wearing bad boy type. (Did I mention of mutton chops?) And, as you well know, nothing good can come of that.

Surprisingly, Tina finds Gig's watching her kissing her boyfriend a distraction instead of the total turn-on that is should be.

Fevvy, sensing his chick's discomfort, is forced to kick his ass. All with his strangely dress and bearded lackey there to watch

Tina puts a stop to the beating and, angry at her man for punching Gig, creepy voyeur or no, refuses to leave with him. Needless to say, Fevvy doesn't take it well.

I don't know about you, in my experience men who say they are different are normally worse.

While Gig walks Tina home they talk about Tina's dwindling interest in school and Gig tries to convince Tina not to drop out.

Now He'll Kiss Me. What an ego.

Gig's talk seems to have really had an affect on Tina. And that night she does some heavy reflecting. And the next morning she decides to try and turn her life around.

Fevvy, Mortie, Ralph and any of the others? ... damn girl, you're still in high school. You need to pace yourself.

Later Tina has a run in with Fevvy and his gang of drop-out- hipster-dumbasses before heading home to study.

Wow, Gig's timing is so perfect it almost seems planned out. I believe Gig is even smarter than we suspected.

Showing up in a tweed jacket and his Clark Kent glasses, like every girl's fantasy, Gig helps Tina with her math. (Perhaps if I had had my own hot blonde tutor I wouldn't have gotten a C- in trigonometry.)

On her way to meet Gig at the library, Tina once again runs into Fevvy and his dedicated hag. Of course, since trouble seems to follow Tina everywhere, fists must fly. And with Tina's help, Gig finally gets to kick a little ass too.

After escaping together, with emotions still running high, Gig and Tina admit their feelings for one another. And Tina finally gets that kiss that she probably still sees as her due.

And, as it should be, the smart guy gets the girl. It probably didn't hurt that he was also hot.

In my opinion there really does needs to be more smart blonde men in romance comics. They should also all be built like Aquaman. Splish-Splash!

When is a Rebound not a Rebound?

"Can This Be Love?"
Secrets of Young Brides
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Enrique Nieto
Number 3
1975

Well my minions, today's love lesson is on the traditionally suckie rebound relationship. If you've never had one, you can assume you must be in one now and your current relationship will end in tragedy. (Of course my husband has informed me that he has never had one. I'm already packing my bags.)

I personally have only every had one relationship that I would label a rebound. The fact that we were BOTH rebounding seems to have made the end inevitable. In what seems like a common pattern to my dating years, it was with a new clerk in a shop I frequented. (I guess I have just always had a thing for a man with a job.) After a few polite date declines (I knew even then it wasn't a great idea.) I eventually gave in. (We're talking short choppy burgundy dyed hair, ink and dimples when he smiled. I'm only human!)

In true rebound form we hit it off wonderfully but the fact that we still had some major unresolved issue from the past had the relationship abruptly ending after a few weeks. (months?)

So-called "experts" say that a rebound relationship is not necessary destined to fail, assuming you know how to manage it. The key being moving slowly. Well apparently who ever wrote this story knew their shit. We are talking romance at a slow crawl.

Before we begin, I wanted to say that while you might be more familiar with Enrique Neito's horror work, I surprisingly enough really dig the art in this story. I think mainly because the textures totally makes me think of a hand-me-down set of Fashion Plates I got from my Aunt when I was little. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you totally missed out.

In Can This Be Love? we meet a very hot Nick Curtis and the far less hot Charlene something or other. (We don't really care about her.) On a flight from New York to Florida, Nick Cheek-Bones Curtis has himself a seat next to Charlene, a blonde with no appreciation for facial hair and a frightening ugly shirt. (I won't even go into the horrid seventies kindergarten teacher hair cut.)

She's also kind of a bitch.

I wouldn't kick him out of bed for snoring. I might kick him out of bed for being a writer though.

After some polite conversation on the plane, (Was that so hard Charlene?!) they make some loose plans to go out to dinner sometime while they both are in town.

But, while they agree, neither one is really in the market for a new relationship.

When, later at the beach, Nick realizes that none of the chicks turn him on, he finds his thoughts going back to Charlene. And decides to call and schedule that dinner.

Who are these kids?

Charlene agrees and, in the market for a relationship or not, chooses to wear a shirt most definitely purchase from a stripper/clown store.

Oddly, while Nick is a proud owner of a penis, he does not go screaming at the site his date and children in the same room. (Ladies! I think Nick Curtis just got hotter.)

The date goes well but at the end of the night Nick finds his old relationship holding him back.

She must be using double-stick tape. How else could she possibly stay inside that shirt?

And that night they both are haunted by their pasts.

Why do I feel like Charlene's ex is about to tie her to a train track?

As their relationship progresses, Charlene finds herself unable to move forward with so much emotional baggage.

But while traveling home she can't help but think of Nick.

\
Despite all my talk, I really do find sweet guys a lot hotter than bad boys.

And when Nick returns to New York...

With enough time, Charlene finds herself excited to see Nick again. And, taking it painfully slow, they both find they have made it past the pasts.

See, now wasn't that sweet?

And, you know, you always see attractive woman with far less attractive men. It is nice to see it the other way around for a change.

Time for a Love List

"More Than One Love"
For Lovers Only
Charlton Comics
Story Art Penciled by Charles Nicholas
Number 96
1971

I know, I know. It has been quite a while. And I have no doubt that there are more than a few of you in utter panic for being forced to manage your love lives wholly on your own. Well, fear no more.

You know that old give a man a fish saying, the same goes for romance. So today I am going to teach you one of the keys to managing your own love life, in the case of an extended absence in the future.

Get out your pen and paper my bitches! There most definitely will be a quiz.

Now, I swear to you, if I go the a grocery and don't have a list I am coming back with cottage cheese, crackers and little else. If I go hungry you'll probably see cottage cheese, crackers and cookies. (I suck at shopping.)

Well the same thing goes for relationships. Unless you have a rather elaborate list of must and must nots, you're not going to end up with much of a relationship. If you go looking while you're hungry, you'll end up the with the relationship equivalent of cookies. Nice while you're eating them but, if you have too many, it can be hell on your self-esteem.

I've always been a list maker and even I once dated a man for little more than an eyebrow ring and an angry word or other (hate? rage? put-out?) tattooed across his shoulders despite breaking my long standing must not be younger than me and must not be in a band rules. Needless to say, it didn't last too terribly long.

Well it's now time to make that all important New Love Requirementt list. And of course As Told To Stan Lee is here to help. And what better way to help than with a rapid fire list demonstration on More Than One Love.

Perhaps by the end Lila will have the man that's just perfect for her.

MUST: Work someplace with a cool name like Sea-Lab
MUST: Have a a super hip name like Cash.
MUST NOT: Use the word foursome.

MUST NOT: Freely discuss your body in a swimsuit with a dude you just met.
MUST: Be man enough to save you from a shark with little more than a Speedo and a fireplace poker.

MUST NOT: Perform experiments on baby shrimp.
MUST NOT: Feel secure enough to leave you alone with a man who has been undressing you with his eyes all night.
MUST: Be clever enough to pick up on your oh-so-subtle Darn It! I'd planned on taking Lew into a Drive-In...Now, I'll have to sit home with my knitting! type hints.
MUST NOT: Mind the whole knitting thing.

MUST: Be strong enough to not touch his friend's woman even though she is totally asking for it.

MUST NOT: Drool over your girlfriend unless that is exactly what you are hoping for.
MUST: Be okay with that kind of night.

MUST: Be hot enough to win your love before a single kiss.

See! Now every one's happy. And, while personally I think Cash's fondness for ascots is a turn-off, his eye brows are pretty hot in that last panel so I think Lila's list worked out in the end. And I have no doubt yours will too.

Are you afraid to grow up?

I'm the first to admit that I have never been good with growing up.

On my 23rd birthday I cried because I thought that 22 was the best age you could ever be and now it was behind me. And it could only be down hill from there, right?

I'm glad to announce that I was wrong.

When I was 29 my husband and I bought a house. A few days before signing the loan papers I was in full panic mode. Thoughts of living in a houseboat or moving from youth hostel to youth hostel flashed through my head. Anything but being tied to a specific piece of land FOREVER.

On this one I was a little bit right.

But oddly nothing has ever made me feel more grown up than giving up my Jeep for a family car when my 2nd son was on his way. Not the house, not turning thirty, not even when Saturday morning cartoons changes from a bunch of adults hanging out in our loft eating trashy cereal and watching Superfriends on DVD to hanging out in bed in a pile of children while eating muffins and watching the Brave and The Bold on DVR. (At least I drive Aaron's Jeep most mornings. But mine was a bright yellow that looked great with my hair, so it still isn't the same.)

How about you? Are you afraid of growing up? Perhaps you're not sure and are in dire need of a scientific test to give you the answer. No need to fear! Cosmo isn't the only publication with the insightful self-tests you so desperately need in order to function within your own very complex life or to answer such taxing questions. No longer do you have only one resource for the answer to questions such as Is Your Boyfriend Jealous of Your Friends? or Are You Ready For A Thong Wardrobe Maker? - nope, not with DC Comics' Heart Throbs.

It's time to find out: Are you afraid to grow up?

Heart Throbs No. # 144 - August 1972, DC Comics

Being the dedicated blogger that I am, I have not only taken the test, but I'm willing share this rare glimpse into my psyche.

I scored a 52 so I've come along way! How did you score? I've shared mine. Now you must share yours.

It's my Anniversary!

Career Girl Romances #67, February 1972

Country Girl or Country Star
Charlton Comics

When my mother was fifteen she started in a new school. She said that through her entire first class some dorky guy in glasses kept watching her. When class was dismissed he came up to her and the first and only words out of his mouth were "I'm going to marry you someday." She though yeah, right.

Less than two years later they were being driven down to a North Carolina justice of the peace by two very, very disappointed fathers.

You really have to admire my Dad's ability to set a goal and meet it!

I get my determination from my father.

Aaron claims he knew he would marry me after our first telephone conversation. I'd like to say it was because he had discovered that my devastating good looks were rivaled by my keen wit but actually it was because I told him that something he said was like that episode on Star Trek where Nomad thought Kirk was his creater. I have now confirmed for all that, apart from being irresistibly charming, I am also a dork. A confirmation only strengthened by the cake topper at the wedding.

Now, when I first saw my husband, I will admit that marry was not necessarily the verb going through my mind but I had certainly set my sights. The fact that I could see past his mutton chops says a lot about my vision. It wasn't until our third date that I began to suspect that this was definitely the man for me but even I won't go into that.

Well, whether you believe in love, love at first sight or none of the above, As Told To Stan Lees certainly does. And, since I'm feeling a bit sentimental this week, whether from my anniversary or too much Death Cab For Cutie, I decided to share my own young romance.

Once there was a boy who really really liked hats.

And a girl who was always smiling on the outside and look damn good in a leisure suit.

They were unlikely to meet since they grew up a State apart. And one tragic day the little boy was hit by a car while jaywalking across a highway and died.

But, of course, love knows no obstacle too large to conquer.

So, the boy was brought back, a little worse for wear and was allowed to grow up.

In fact, eventually, they both did.

And the boy received a scholarship to a school in the city where the girl lived.

But, while the girl spent all her free time dancing in clubs, the boy worked on his art so, they never ran into each other. (Okay, so perhaps he watched a lot of television. The outcome was still the same.)

Until one day the girl noticed the boy while he was working at a local music store. But he never seemed to notice her. (Bastard!)

The girl was lonely and eventually bought a dog and walked that dog everyday.

It was on one of these walks that she made a discovery. The boy lived in her apartment complex. (Kickass!)

She walked by his apartment every day with her dog. But the boy still never noticed her. (Son of a Bitch!)

But the girl had too much of her father in her so she continued to walk by his apartment everyday. Refusing to be intimidated by the gigantic Winona Ryder poster on his wall and praying that the old Vana White poster wasn't his. (It hasn't! Thank God!) But the boy still didn't notice her. (Mother F---er!)

It wasn't until the girl had nearly give up that it happened. While shopping for a CD the boy asked if she wanted help. She said no but thought better of it and before he had gotten more than a few steps away, called him back. She made ups some bullshit question and they actually spoke.

The boy was very funny *sigh* and very nice *swoon* and when he suggest a band the girl bought the CD even though she totally didn't want it.

The same night the girl's brother, whom she lived with, decided he was going to the same store. So the girl volunteered to go to, hoping that the boy was there. (He was!) Despite the urge the girl did not run, jump up and wrap her legs around the boys waist and arms around his neck and say hi! but they did talk.

The boy finally gave the girl his number. (Damn! Was that so hard?) And the girl gave him hers.

The dog didn't care much for the boy but they learned to love each other.

The boy tried to change the girl but it didn't work. (much)

The girl tried to change the boy. She was better at it and he shaved the mutton chops.

They shopped for a lot of comics and watched a lot of movies.

A few months later he asked her to marry him.

Love Diary #76, January 1972

Love Will Never Come
Art by Charles Nicholas and Vince Alascia
Charlton Comics

They had many bridal showers and received many, many classy gifts.

At the wedding the groomsmen and brides maids all wore tuxes. The girls were upset because the bride would only let them wear a bra under their jackets. (Hey it was my day!) And all the boys acted like James Bond.

There were many, many terrible pictures taken. And the boy and girl danced very poorly.

Later they had a little boy that looked a lot like his father.



One that looked a lot like his mother.



And another for good measure.

The boy and girl still shop for a lot of comics. See far less movies and never get any sleep.

The End.

Happy Anniversary Aaron!

Girls' Romance #119, September 1966

Ask Me About Love .. I'm an Expert!

Art by Bob Oksner and Bernard Sachs
DC Comics