Put down that milkshake. There's a quicker way!

Whether you're eagerly waiting next years Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition (men love a woman in a bikini) or the Men of the Stacks Calendar (ladies love a man who can read AND has a job) everyone has specific tastes. Well a few days ago I discovered that As Told to Stan Lee stats showed that 65 people found my blog by searching "fattening up girlfriend".

I'm not sure how exactly that brought them here but I am thrilled!

So in celebration of this newly discovered viewing demographic I wanted to share 1964's secret to fattening up your girlfriend.

I know what you are thinking ... What about months of McDonald's and Reeses Pieces?. Well sometimes when you need to fatten up your girlfriend you don't have the luxury of time. And in times like that there is Wate-On! Just ask Exciting New Actress Eva Six!

(Career Girl Romances # 25, 1964 - Charlton Comics)

And hey, what to to get updates on Spectergirl's entire family of blogs? Check out my new Facebook page. It's like friending me on Facebook without having to see baby pictures!

Just click the link above!

Marry Me Soon, Darling! - A Very Special Hump Day with Jonnie L♥ve

"Marry Me Soon, Darling"
Teen Confessions
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Demetrio Sanchez Gomez
Number 86
1974

If you've been experiencing a dull ache in your chest (without arm numbness) it is very likely the void left by life without Jonnie Love. Few things outside of war (or possibly a pregnancy scare) can have such a lasting effect.

Somehow a plan for 12 weeks of Love has dragged out to more than a year and I supposed I owe poor Jonnie an apology. So I wanted to make it up to him with this very special and, most probably, final Hump Day with Jonnie Love.

This Hump Day truly stands out, and not just because the girl who owned this comic back in 1974 ALSO owned a Sharpie, but because this time around Jonnie has Marriage on his mind.

Blonde and in a bikini is just Jonie Love's type, no matter how much conflicted comes along with the package. And who can fault him? We all have our weaknesses. I, for one, have always found nothing more attractive than a mop of blonde hair on something tall and broad. So, when I met my husband and that package also came along with smart, funny, comic reading and a bit of a shoe fetish, it was well worth the singular You're Such a Slut I received from a friend who had already called dibs.

In my defense dibs becomes null and void after several months of not having the balls to make your move.

So the question is, will Jonnie find love worth the fight? Or will little old commitment phobia rear its ugly head?

Yes, Jonnie Love has finally found the women of his dreams BUT we are getting way ahead of ourselves. First, lets start from the beginning.

This time around Jonnie Love has ditched the helmet and is riding himself a majorly upgraded hog. I'm guessing that if his previous shitty little Honda was able to inexplicably draw him to the hottest blondes found in Mexico or on the closest beach, this bad boy is bound to have the ability to magically transport him to Sweden where I can only assume that Alexander Sharsgard look alikes and their female counterparts litter the countryside.

But there is no need to travel that far because luckily Green Lake Beach has what Jonnie is always looking for.

Of course Jonnie is quick to make his move but the bathing beauty will be having none of it.

Oh, who is she kidding? No woman can resist our Jonnie Love!

Blonde, Bikini'ed and in need of company? It appears that the new bike was well worth the price of the upgrade.

He didn't usually tell his story to strange chicks but Kathy asked him about himself so... Really? You expect us to buy that? I'm willing to bet that story is your version of small talk at the laundry mat.

So, after Jonnie' s tale (a tale that at his age should really be getting a little embarrassing to tell) and a lot of tell-tale hair touching and back arching on the part of Katherine, Jonnie is invite to her parent's house. Could a steak dinner be far behind?

Well off? Of course they are Jonnie. Of course they are.


Mere moments after meeting Kathy's parents...

Why do father's seem to want to throw their virginal (okay, so I am being generous) daughters at this man? He must really smell good or something.

Steak! I knew it!!

After Jonnie and Kathy bond, over what appears to be a love of kitch, flares and Roy 73, Love makes them its bitch.

And, worthy of a musical montage, the next day Jonnie mows the family's lawn, has tea with Kathy and her mother, is invited to a soiree and plays some singles tennis at the tennis club.

Everything is going wonderfully until Jonnie runs into a little trouble at the club house.

Count yourself lucky complete stranger with absolutely no reason to feel bitter toward Jonnie Love. If there had been a pool around Jonnie would have shoved your ass in so fast you wouldn't know what happened until you were being greeted at the gates of hell with a lung full of chlorine.

After a life time of physical altercation too numerous to count Jonnie shakes the attack off easily enough. And later at Kathy's parent party that evening Jonnie and his new woman steal a few moments together in the kitchen.

And, despite the fact that her father asked Jonnie to stay with the family, giving him use of a studio that offers plenty of privacy, he seems a little surprised at the resulting hookup.

But what was that? Could poor Jonnie be only a rebound for the recently single Katherine?

No, of course not. Even while Kathy's ex stops by the party to speak with her parents, Jonnie Love promises himself to the woman who has grown to mean more to him than going home to his family, and seals this promise with a kiss.

While they truly like Jonnie Love, Kathy's parent's fondness for her ex has them conflicted. And, like all parents, they are totally up in her business.

Sadly, it seems that once Jonnie offers himself to the love of his life, he quickly notices a distancing between them.

Soon Jonnie Love's respect for authority figures has him speaking with Kathy's parents and formulating a plan.

Once both Kathy and Edgar met at the beach with no Jonnie in sight, his plan becomes obvious.

There is something about Edgar's expression and the way he says He's Quite a Guy, Kathy that makes you think that he may be kissing Katherine but his is thinking of Jonnie. Why exactly does that seem SO extremely hot? I'm not sure what that says about me but I'm sure it speaks volumes.

Or was it because he likes to watch?

Though sometime in the future I may do a side-by-side comparison of the Women of Jonnie Love, this is very likely it for me and Jonnie. At least for now. If I eventually track down the couple of Charlton appearances that I have yet to find you'll be the first to know.

Personally I'd like to think that in those missing issues Jonnie Love finally does find a woman for is very own. I also would like to think that she live across the street from his parents.

Goodbye Jonnie L♥ve. Stay sexy.

Yeah, someone needs to put their woman on a choke chain.

"Everyone Loves Me..."
Just Married
Charlton Comics
Number 75
1971

A relationship is a two (occasionally three) person operations. Everyone involved really needs to pull their weight or things start to go downhill fast. We're talking Olympic skier fast. If it isn't at Macy's someone is heading over to Saks. It's only a matter of time.

As always I'm here to share my vast knowledge of relationships. Don't get me wrong, my knowledge was hard earned so it is with no real pride that I throw myself into the teacher role. Now before you start arguing just think about how much smarter I really am than you regarding relationships.

Are you done thinking?

Exactly.

So, now that we are on the same page, back to the topic at hand.

The fact is, on only the rarest of occasions can a relationship problem be placed firmly on one person's lap. As an example of such a case take this actual conversation I had with my closest friend. For the sake of his privacy and since he never reads my blog, we will call him dumbass.

Dumbass: Man, this girl I am seeing has a much stronger "drive" than me.

Spectergirl: Really?

Dumbass: Yeah, to such a degree that I'm not sure this relationship is going to work out.

Spectergirl: Okay, try this. Add up the number of times you "manhandle" yourself in a week to the number of times you're "in the mood" and then subtract that from the number of times she wants to "shehandle" you.

Dumbass: Oh.

Spectergirl: Dumbass.

Dumbass: Hey, why don't we go to lunch so that I can talk non-stop about my book and try and force you to read the most recently completed story arch.

Spectergirl: Ugh.

Dumbass: I'll buy.

Spectergirl: Damn. Okay.

Now that is not word-for-word but I'm trying to keep it family friendly.

Charlton's Just Married is a plethora of relationship strife. What is not to like. In Everyone Loves Me... even I'm hard pressed to pinpoint the newly wed Barbra Larkin's damage. At the very least we have some mind blowing self esteem issues and a whole lot of my biker daddy's in prison going on.

We enter the story on the day Barbra Larkin weds herself a hot guy with blue hair. No, it is blue, I've decided. I have also decided he has a few piercings and a wicked tattoo. Just roll with it.

Watching Barbra ogle the best-man, even before drinking one too many at the reception, it would be hard not to know where this story is going. Yes creepy wedding attendee, perhaps she is too much woman for any one man.

After a reception that I can only assume turns into a disaster, we head directly to the honeymoon. But all seems to be going well.

That is until the first shirtless man shows up.

Man, Buzz must have some monster balls. I mean, her husband is right there. Her husband with his massive tattoo of a skeleton holding a human skull. I'm just saying that tat speaks volumes about just how fragile the lid on Steve's inner rages is.

Buzz is totally oblivious to the total hate vibe rolling off Steve. Steve's words maybe may be polite but his body language just screams giving Buzz a Prince Albert with a rusty hanger.

Steve, of course, is less than pleased with his woman.

But like all newly weds ...

After the honeymoon Steve makes the mistake of moving his new wife into a house that is within fifty miles of another dude. And it is only a matter of time before she starts working to get the self esteem boost she's craving.

On the day of the cook-out Steve must work late. But Barbra is totally okay with the situation. Without Steve there Barbra feels free to make time with all the husbands.

Oddly, the wives, who appear to be twins, don't shove her face down into the grill. Weird. I remember just a few weeks into dating my now husband stopping off at a house rented by some of his college friends and some girl being all flirty with him and, even that early in the relationship, if I hadn't still been firmly in my acting nicer than you really are dating faze I'd have had my combat boot on her esophagus.

Once Steve arrives he watches from the sideline.

Needless to say, Steve is getting pissed.

Why are you behaving this way? Because you're a tease.

Back home Steve tries to shake some sense into this wife.

Once again, for some unknown reason, Steve forgives his crazy female.

And the next day Barbra goes back over to the wives next door and makes a terrible attempt at an apology for coming on to their husbands.

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about with the whole choke collar thing.

Well not surprisingly that love they neighbor relationship gets a little out of hand.

Steve totally has his hand on the butt of a Glock.

If this was an old televisions show this would be about the time that Steve bends Barbra over his knee.

Finally the twins decide to put a stop this all of this.

Steven! Steven, you've let them make a fool of me! Lord she takes herself WAY too seriously. No wonder I hate her.

But once again Steve is there by his wife's side. I guess you can't help who you love.

See how she looks out at you, almost like you might be the next handsome man to draw her attention and Steve's wrath. Scary.