I know you were all afraid Spectergirl forgot about you this week, but have no fear, I am here. Besides, today's question is 38 years old, I don't think another 24 hours is going to kill anyone.
(originally answered incorrectly in DC Comics' Heart Throbs #144)
Tina,
Your mother needs to get laid. You didn't mention your father in your letter so I will have to assume that he is either not in the picture or just not up to the task.
Since you are writing for advice from a comic book I am going to again assume you're in your teens and since your letter was written in 1972 my time machine calculator tells me your mother is in her thirties. That means she is, in layman's terms, in the middle of her sexual peak. We in the biz know it as the "Why are your pants still on?" phase. And what a wild ride it is! I'll let you know how it turns out.
If you really care about this Steve keep him far away from your mother. If you also really care about your mother introduce her to Steve's brother.
Spectergirl
SpecterGirl: The “why are your pants still on?” phase. Do I sense book title? I think you should pen a self help book with that title for women in their sexual prime which, while we are on the topic, seems a very long window; about twenty five years or so judging by my experience. Corresponding sexual peak for men is, roughly, 47 minutes. Usually beginning at about 2:00 AM on their 17 birthday.
ReplyDeleteYour advice, as always, is devastating to all concerned and absolutely correct. Indecisive Tina better get on the stick, er, that is, she better get on the ball . . . I mean, she must act quickly and decisively with regard to her steely-eyed boyfriend or else her mother will take matters into her own hands. So to speak.
Figuring the math, Tina’s burning hot mom would be in her late sixties. Perhaps I’ve said too much.
As always, you make me laugh out loud like an idiot, sitting in front of my computer. – Mykal
it's only a matter of time steve,
ReplyDeleteno one can resist a cougar!
Mykal: "Why are your pants still on?" as a self-help, very Cynthia Heimel. That just might work. Of course I just picked up a $1 paperback of Zsa Zsa Gabor's 'How to catch a man - How to Keep a man - How to get rid of a Man' so it sounds like she might have already covered all the bases.
ReplyDeleteAnd twenty-five years! How exciting! As for the 47 minutes the keeping of a harem finally makes sense. There is confusion in numbers so no one knows that EVERYONE is being disappointed.
PJ: LOL! Absolutely, poor Tina doesn't have a chance.