Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Filibuster! I don't even know her!

Vote for Me, Darling!
Charlon Comics
Career Girl Romances
Story Art by Charles Nicholas and Vince Alascia
Number 63

Whether you are looking for steaming hot romance, or are merely looking for career options, Charlton Comic's Career Girl Romances title comes through for us once again!

In Vote for Me, Darling we learn that there is nothing a bleeding-heart-liberal can't accomplish with an obsession and the right woman by his side. 

The right woman you ask? Well for small town drifter Lew Cantrell that woman is Linda Miles. Obsession you ask? We'll get to that later.

Oh ladylike Congresswoman Linda Miles, surely you know that romance for a politician isn't conduced on public streets. No, it's conducted from the Senate floor, brothels and in men's restroom.

Our story begins at the office/rustic home of Judge Stern (Judge to his friends).

But make no mistake, Judge Stern is not just an intimidating suit and impressive mustache, no. He is also a father-like figure to one Linda Miles, community college graduate and quite the looker.

After Judge Stern's subtle attempt to push his baby-bird out of the nest and into the loving arm's of the American people ...

Is it just the orange shirt or does Lew look like Charles Nicholas and Vince Alascia's version of Aquaman? The obsession with waterways isn't helping. 

With the Judge's gout bothering him, - Hey, I didn't write this. - The Judge asked Linda to let Lew show her what he is talking about.

It would be so hot right now if he started talking to fish.

And like every man who is this good looking, he is able to completely change the course of another human beings life.

Of course he's right Linda! Have you seen how good looking he is?

So, with the help of Judge Stern, the ideals of the town drifter and her own good looks and natural charisma, Linda Miles goes into politics.

She's also good with sticking to a theme.

But Linda still remembers the little guy.

 I'm not sure what the significance of the bus stop sign, but its placement makes me feel like I'm missing a double-entendre.

And Lew becomes an integral part of her campaign.

But when Linda wins her bid for election...

So, she can't be seen with her campaign manager? 
And Linda starts to feel that without Lew, fighting for HIS cause isn't the same.

And like any woman with access to the nearly unlimited funds of the American people, she goes home to find her man.

I personally think that when you file you taxes and they ask if you want to donate a dollar toward the presidential campaign, it should also ask if you want to donate a dollar to the pursuit of love. My answer - HELL YES!

Yes, ladylike congresswoman Linda Miles, your man is not a loser. No doubt you'll live happily-ever-after.

For more information on running for political office ask your local librarian or your town drifter.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

If I said you have a beautiful body would you read this novel I have been working on?

There's More Than Tears!
Charlon Comics
I Love You
Art by Fred Himes (as Ezell)
Number 99

Girls (and guys) if you have never shown up at a boyfriend's place only to have a ream of paper shoved into your hands with a request of would you mind reading this? you've obviously made better romantic choices than I have.

Men always seem to want you to read something they've written, critic something they have painted or keep them company while they sculpt something or other. Or worst of all, pose. Something that simultaneously makes you love them and want to kick them in the eye. But normally these requests come after a certain getting to know you period, once they determine that you wouldn't mind. Of course they always come to the conclusion that you wouldn't mind, so the getting to know you period is of little use.

In There's More Than Tears! Bart Crofford doesn't give a shit how well he knows you, he's got a story to tell and your ass is going to hear it.

He's a fool! And you're a dream crushing bitch.

At Evelyn Ross' loud, bitter, insistent pounding, the door is finally opened. And, despite the fact that it is opened by a rather tall blonde with bedroom eyes and man of action sideburns, Evelyn can't seem to dial down her shrew.

Bart explains to Evelyn that his day job at a car wash forces him to work on his novel late at night and, with Bart's gift of verbal seduction, it is only the work of moments before Evelyn is charmed into a little something Bart has been thinking about doing all day.

Since my husband works nights, I have a friend who comes over on Friday after I get my little ones to bed. We are supposed to either watch a movie or work on our various writing projects, separately but together. Inevitable it turn into this. Me sitting around in my husband's flannel PJ bottoms, rolling my eyes and telling him to shut the hell up, him dressed to the nines talking incessantly about whatever he is working on.  

 Evelyn is wearing the exact look I would expect that offer to elicit. 

Despite all outward appearances, there does seem to be a little bit of a spark between our two lonely apartment dwellers.

And Evelyn finds her mind wandering to thoughts of Bart.

The next day Evelyn heads off to her hated job as a textile working still thinking about Bart. No doubt her seams will suffer.

After work Bart and Evelyn run into one another in the hall and agree to have dinner together. And, because misery loves company, invite Mr. Shepulsky along also.

After dinner, once Mr. Shepulsky leaves, Bart asked Evelyn about her family.

Bart tells Evelyn that not letting her parents know where she is isn't nice.  And he convinces her to write them a letter. Once she is ready to mail it, he walks her to the post office and then they take a romantic stroll.

 Good Lord. I wish their romantic stroll was to a pharmacy to pick up some freakin' Cymbalta.

 He's father is waving and appears to be happy to see his son. Clearly he has forgotten what a complete downer Bart is.

There you go, a happy ending for all. (Except for possible Mr. Shepulsky.)

Romance - The way you like it!

Monday, December 17, 2012

How to Keep Your Man!

Too Much Loving ... Too Many Tears!
Girl's Romance
DC Comics 
Story Art by Art Saaf and Vince Colletta
Number 150

Ladies, whether you like your romance covers to sport Paul Marron or you're more the Nick Cardy type, nothing sells it like a little eye candy. With this in mind, and so much time since my last post, I figured why waste time? Why not jump straight to hot blonde in wheelchair? (Remember ladies, if your man's in a wheelchair, you'll always have a lap to sit on.) True, it would have been more awesome if he was sporting only the bottoms of those grandpa pj's, the fact that he is shedding a single tear completely makes it all better. Side Note: The husband of a friend of mine has a tear fetish.

Stop Pitying Him! I can give you love! Tall, dark and suited-up, isn't half bad either.

With this cover, already DC has outdone themselves. But Too Much Loving ... Too Many Tears! is more than a killer cover, it's a roller coaster ride of heartache, insecurity and confusion. And it's either a Goofus and Gallant "bad example" for dealing with insecurities in a romantic relationship or step-by-step instructions on how to crush a man's self-esteem in order to keep him in check. I like to think of it as the later.
What I am saying is ... You'll likely want to take notes!

When we are first introduced to Vanessa Jones she seems a bit of a player. With both a rising football star and an up and coming businessman in tow, she finds herself in quite the dilemma.

Oh, poor Vanessa. How could you possibly bring yourself to break the heart of either of these two delicious men. They do seem to get along rather well, perhaps ...

Well, dilemma or not, Vanessa eventually makes a decision.

If Wally was a soccer player I might understand the choice.

Once her decision is made, like any intelligent woman, Vanessa knows she needs to lock-that-down. The faster the better.

That's right Vanessa, don't let that man out of your sight.

And, of course when you are the woman of a soon-to-be athletic superstar, it is vastly important to keep him unsure of your love.

Because a man unsure of your affection, is a man striving with every breath to secure it.

Vanessa knows that keeping a man insecure can be a delicate operation. You must keep him in constant doubt of your faithfulness and yet not so insecure that he runs to find comfort in the arms of another. To accomplish this you need to provide just enough ego stroking praise to fuel his desperate desire for your approval.

But not too much!

I guess... That's the way you do it Vanessa! You're a natural.

But, no matter how well things seem to be going, it is always critical that you still take cues from his body language and tone so that you can fine tune your approach on the fly.

Great save!

But remember, because life is full of surprises, any plan needs to be ready for obstacles to pop up. This plan is no different.

With Wally injured it is important that Vanesse gets her man out of a public hospital and cloistered away somewhere private. As a famous athlete, cameras and reporters gushing all over him, not to mention the constant offers of pity-sex from hospital staff, can really do a number on severely stunted self-esteem.

As I'm sure you have already guessed, the attentions of some do-gooder like the hospital doctor could have already caused some majordamage to your man's artificially suppressed feelings of self-worth.

It's damage control time. It's time to step up your game.

If you act dreamy all evening after that kiss on the cheek, you'll start to see the results you're hoping for.

But remember, if you do it to well you'll likely see side effects.

This isn't the time to pull your punches. If you want to guarantee your man never strays, you have to be tough.

Remember, in extreme cases, you can't let yourself be afraid to surpass self-esteem destruction and plow right through to soul crushing.


 Tears. A sure sign you'll never lose his love.

Tears or no, don't soften. Stick to the plan, only a few more steps to go.





Keeping Control!

You now have the knowledge. Put it to good use.