Monday, December 17, 2012

How to Keep Your Man!

Too Much Loving ... Too Many Tears!
Girl's Romance
DC Comics 
Story Art by Art Saaf and Vince Colletta
Number 150

Ladies, whether you like your romance covers to sport Paul Marron or you're more the Nick Cardy type, nothing sells it like a little eye candy. With this in mind, and so much time since my last post, I figured why waste time? Why not jump straight to hot blonde in wheelchair? (Remember ladies, if your man's in a wheelchair, you'll always have a lap to sit on.) True, it would have been more awesome if he was sporting only the bottoms of those grandpa pj's, the fact that he is shedding a single tear completely makes it all better. Side Note: The husband of a friend of mine has a tear fetish.

Stop Pitying Him! I can give you love! Tall, dark and suited-up, isn't half bad either.

With this cover, already DC has outdone themselves. But Too Much Loving ... Too Many Tears! is more than a killer cover, it's a roller coaster ride of heartache, insecurity and confusion. And it's either a Goofus and Gallant "bad example" for dealing with insecurities in a romantic relationship or step-by-step instructions on how to crush a man's self-esteem in order to keep him in check. I like to think of it as the later.
What I am saying is ... You'll likely want to take notes!

When we are first introduced to Vanessa Jones she seems a bit of a player. With both a rising football star and an up and coming businessman in tow, she finds herself in quite the dilemma.

Oh, poor Vanessa. How could you possibly bring yourself to break the heart of either of these two delicious men. They do seem to get along rather well, perhaps ...

Well, dilemma or not, Vanessa eventually makes a decision.

If Wally was a soccer player I might understand the choice.

Once her decision is made, like any intelligent woman, Vanessa knows she needs to lock-that-down. The faster the better.

That's right Vanessa, don't let that man out of your sight.

And, of course when you are the woman of a soon-to-be athletic superstar, it is vastly important to keep him unsure of your love.

Because a man unsure of your affection, is a man striving with every breath to secure it.

Vanessa knows that keeping a man insecure can be a delicate operation. You must keep him in constant doubt of your faithfulness and yet not so insecure that he runs to find comfort in the arms of another. To accomplish this you need to provide just enough ego stroking praise to fuel his desperate desire for your approval.

But not too much!

I guess... That's the way you do it Vanessa! You're a natural.

But, no matter how well things seem to be going, it is always critical that you still take cues from his body language and tone so that you can fine tune your approach on the fly.

Great save!

But remember, because life is full of surprises, any plan needs to be ready for obstacles to pop up. This plan is no different.

With Wally injured it is important that Vanesse gets her man out of a public hospital and cloistered away somewhere private. As a famous athlete, cameras and reporters gushing all over him, not to mention the constant offers of pity-sex from hospital staff, can really do a number on severely stunted self-esteem.

As I'm sure you have already guessed, the attentions of some do-gooder like the hospital doctor could have already caused some majordamage to your man's artificially suppressed feelings of self-worth.

It's damage control time. It's time to step up your game.

If you act dreamy all evening after that kiss on the cheek, you'll start to see the results you're hoping for.

But remember, if you do it to well you'll likely see side effects.

This isn't the time to pull your punches. If you want to guarantee your man never strays, you have to be tough.

Remember, in extreme cases, you can't let yourself be afraid to surpass self-esteem destruction and plow right through to soul crushing.


 Tears. A sure sign you'll never lose his love.

Tears or no, don't soften. Stick to the plan, only a few more steps to go.





Keeping Control!

You now have the knowledge. Put it to good use.


  1. Bad enough that guy has to watch his gf with another guy; but he's trapped in the Phantom Zone to boot. So sad.

  2. What a woman - she makes the lame walk. What would one expect though from a woman that has "too much loving and too many tears"?

    I have to say, though, if it were me on the receiving end, I might have a hard time believing it was all a "brilliant idea" to make me walk again. I might just keep walking.

    1. Mykal, I would never claim to be a medical expert so, if that doctor, the man who believed in this plan enough to stand behind that curtain (and likely various other curtains over the course of what seems like months) all so he could jump out at just the right moment, says that it was a "brilliant idea", who am I to question.

  3. Spectergirl: Could be, could be. This seemingly hairbrained scheme is, after all, given a certain weight by the endorsement of the mediacal profession. Point taken.