Ask Spectergirl!

It's time once again to show off my relationship advice skills (see my credentials above). You may want to take notes.

(originally answered incorrectly in DC's Young Love # 120)

Dear Worried,

Joan has boobs. Try stuffing. Now, Paul is correct, men do like a woman with confidence, but you'd be surprised how much confidence a nice rack will give you.

She may be blind, but I can't see what they're getting at.

A New Kind of Love
DC Comics
Secret Hearts
Number 89
1963

Well here is an extremely odd little story from DC's Secret Hearts. In A New Kind of Love we meet Patty Wiley, a woman who seem to get more and more unattractive as the story progresses. By page seven she is down right frightening.

But I guess unrequited love would have to be hard on a girl.

Oh, and if you "get" this story, can you please explain it to me?

In the interest of equal time

Non' But a Brave
Charlton Comics
Illustrated By: Fred Himes (?)
Romantic Story
Number 119
1972

Okay, so last week I posted a story from Charlton's Cowboy Love. I think it was a good example of the bright spots in the art and story telling that came out of the Charlton camp. Well, in the interest of equal time, I thought it might be nice to enjoy a little bit of the very plentiful other extreme. Now it's time for a little Indian Love.

In Non' But a Brave we meet Jan, an apparently very popular Southern California girl taking a bus trip with friends to see the wilds of Yellowstone National Park.

The bus trip is apparently not all she had hoped it would be. And a charming Kenneth notices her change in mood.

In fact, the very angry and apparently very hungry Jan, just wants her space.

Once Jan finishes eating the large meal in hopes of dulling her pain, she decides to head back to the others. But she runs into trouble.

But, with the speed that only two hamburgers and a milkshake can give you, she escapes the bear unharmed.

But to her dismay, in the process she becomse terribly lost. After wandering for hours she seems to just be moving further and further from the camp. Then, just as darkness starts to fall, she runs into a man with a bow, headband and vest and jumps to the conclusion anybody visiting Yellowstone National Park in 1972 would jump to.

.

Despite her limited "Indian" and the fact that she seems to fight all his efforts, the Native American gets her meaning and manages to get her back to camp before she is eaten by wolves or something.

Once they arrive back at camp, the language barrier again seems to get in the way.

But can romance really bloom between two people from two different worlds that don't even speak the same language?

Oh, that' s right. This is 1972!

Ask Spectergirl!

After many years of reading comics I have figured one thing out - you don't need some fancy degree to hand out relationship advice as long as you have a spiffy banner with your picture on it.

With the help of my husband Aaron (Silver Age Gold), who was kind enough to turn me into a nice little illustration, I have just that.

So here I go, handing out the advice that should have been given years ago. Too little, too late.

(originally answered incorrectly in Charlton All New Secret Romances # 45)

Dear Needs Help,

Buck is a tool. And "Peter" is what we call a pedophile. Wait until you are at least 22 and then date someone from College. And then, if years down the road you ever have yourself a daughter, be sure to tell her about pedophiles so that a comic book advice column (or DC Vertigo) doesn't have to break the news to her.

Fitness for the modern woman - It fits in your purse!

Exercise to a New Figure
Dell Purse Books
1964

To celebrate the fact that I finally made it into the gym this morning after a couple weeks of schedule conflicts, snow emergencies and, to be honest, my fair share of "Good Lord, it's too early to get up!" I have decided to post this little gem.

I found it while painting my mother's bedroom a few months ago. Apparently she had picked it up when she was 12 and felt the need to "remake" her body. We all know how once you hit 9 it's all down hill.

With 64 pages of life changing instruction, you received photo illustrated exercise for nearly every part of your body, a measurement chart to track your progress for 4 whole months and instructions of how to make your own exercise mat. (And to think, I wasted money buying my yoga mat at Meijer.)

As a bonus, you also received instruction on how to incorporate exercise into any lifestyle. Be it that of a Student, Working Girl or a Homemaker.

So, it's time to keep your New Year's
resolution and make a change for the better!

See, just one more reason to start bottling in glass again.

I dig the rolling pin.

After 4 months of this, how could a boy NOT love you?

What woman wouldn't like a man that had a horse?

Romance Renegade
Charlton Comics
Cowboy Love
Number 29
1955

This is the one and only Cowboy Love issue I have in my collection. In fact I have never had the opportunity to read another issue and I am a little leery of typing "Cowboy Love" in my search engine.

I really enjoy the art in this issue so I wanted to share this story in its entirety.

Who doesn't like View-Masters?

Because I am apparently not happy unless I have too much to do, I have FINALLY launched ...

View-Master 3-D Spectacular

Click on the image to take a look.

I guess there IS something sadder than being alone.

Love Hungry
DC Comics
Pencils/Inks By: Art Saaf
Young Love
Number 120
1976

Reading romance comics would lead you to believe that there is nothing worse than being without a man. There are the happy endings where our character finds true love and is expected to live happily ever after. Then there are the stories that due to some character flaw, the girl in question ends up alone but with the hope that having learned from her shallow, short sited or selfish behavior, she has become a better person, therefore deserving more than ever, the love of a man.

But in Love Hungry! we learn that there is at least one thing sadder than being alone. And that is being alone wearing lingerie.

But maybe we should give our lonely nameless lass (yep, her name is never given) the benefit of the doubt, maybe she is just prepared in case she does bump into Mr. Right.

No, I think she is kind of crazy.

But there is one thing I strongly believe, it is easier to find a boyfriend if you have some sort of interest outside of just finding a boyfriend. Lonely here's hobby appears to be spying on people who have someone special.

Luckily for all of us she never has a chance to peek into any windows. Her other hobby seems to be having erotic dreams about some pretend dream person.

Until one night even her made up dream person seems to thinks that she's too pathetic. (is that mean?)

Devastated by the thought of loneliness both during her waking and sleeping hours the "flight" instinct kicks in.

Until she finds herself where so many woman have had their dreams come true. Down by the docks when the fleet comes in.

But can a lonely girl without a name meet the man of her dreams while dressed kind of like a hooker?

Yes, yes she can. Thank goodness she invested so wisely in that lingerie collection.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.