"The Ones That Got Away"
For Lovers Only
Charlton Comics
Story Art Penciled by Charles NicholasNumber 96
1971Charlton Comics
Story Art Penciled by Charles NicholasNumber 96
Most of us, at one time or another, have found ourselves in a relationship that has disintegrates to a point where one becomes little more than a complaints department. I know I sure have. Amy, you're too good for me. Amy, you've ruined me for other women. It can be terribly exhausting.
But what I would imagine to be far worse is a relationship where a former love interest is used as a measuring device for your inadequacies. I should probably take this moment to apologize to all the girlfriends that were used as a sadly lacking replacement for me. But apologizes are not my strong suit.
Well with my love of the ridiculous and shallow I thought it a grand idea to bring you this (extremely) short tale of one such relationship. In The Ones That Got Away we meet the shallow and unhappy Donna and Billy. Donna is a woman with a hunger for money and Billy is a man who uses babe-a-liciousness as a measurement of value.
Am I the only one who finds it strange to have a framed (and signed) 8"x 10" of someone you once dated just hanging round the house?
Since I am no longer a redhead I will not take sides in the who is hotter argument. But I will point out that while Cuddles is wearing less clothing, Donna has far pointier boobs.
When the big day arrives Billy and Donna chose to dress appropriately for both seduction and the heat of the July 4th weekend. Billy in a black turtle-neck, short-sleeve shirt and Donna in a pair of skin-tight green pants and a belly shirt.
When Billy finally runs into his old flame she appears to be dimwitted and to have put on more than a few pounds. Oh my!
While, no doubt, Donna is thrilled at the outcome, her joy is short lived. As she soon discovers her old love has also put on the pounds and is the proud owner of a shirt that is both sleeveless and laces up. Really?!
Needless to say ...
I do feel the need to point out that while Cuddles and Timothy are certainly not as healthy as they were, they still likely have a happier relationship. And Timothy likely still makes the phat cash.
I love this. If their exes had remained hard bodies, I guess divorce would be the only answer for our bitchy couple.
ReplyDeleteI still think the zoftig redhead, Clarrisa, is the hottest thing in the story. And you are absolutely correct, Spectergirl - Timmy Wimmy has the long green written all over him. And not to put too fine a point on it, but if Clarrisa is that bubbly happy, he's got something besides a phat wallet in the plus column as well.
I believe there is a good lesson to be learned here. You have to be ever mindful of just how on a knifes edge ones marital bliss teeters. It takes so little to push it either way.
DeleteAnd after a second, closer look, I think you are right. Cuddle's overt happiness seems very likely the result of having herself a man with more than just a tube of cookie dough in the fridge. So perhaps her child like speech is less a result of being dimwitted as it is a result of having just been thoroughly tended to in those bushes.
The more I examine this post, the more I am sure of it: The big redhead is one happy woman. And, on the other side of the ledger, ol' Timmy seems pretty damned happy himself! That trip to the bushes didn't do him a bit of harm, either.
ReplyDeleteI think we are observing an extremely well matched, well satisfied couple - as opposed to the two bitchy, stuck-up hard bodies who will end up in some ugly litigation before the decade is over.