Monday, January 16, 2012

Time for a Love List

"More Than One Love"
For Lovers Only
Charlton Comics
Story Art Penciled by Charles Nicholas
Number 96

I know, I know. It has been quite a while. And I have no doubt that there are more than a few of you in utter panic for being forced to manage your love lives wholly on your own. Well, fear no more.

You know that old give a man a fish saying, the same goes for romance. So today I am going to teach you one of the keys to managing your own love life, in the case of an extended absence in the future.

Get out your pen and paper my bitches! There most definitely will be a quiz.

Now, I swear to you, if I go the a grocery and don't have a list I am coming back with cottage cheese, crackers and little else. If I go hungry you'll probably see cottage cheese, crackers and cookies. (I suck at shopping.)

Well the same thing goes for relationships. Unless you have a rather elaborate list of must and must nots, you're not going to end up with much of a relationship. If you go looking while you're hungry, you'll end up the with the relationship equivalent of cookies. Nice while you're eating them but, if you have too many, it can be hell on your self-esteem.

I've always been a list maker and even I once dated a man for little more than an eyebrow ring and an angry word or other (hate? rage? put-out?) tattooed across his shoulders despite breaking my long standing must not be younger than me and must not be in a band rules. Needless to say, it didn't last too terribly long.

Well it's now time to make that all important New Love Requirementt list. And of course As Told To Stan Lee is here to help. And what better way to help than with a rapid fire list demonstration on More Than One Love.

Perhaps by the end Lila will have the man that's just perfect for her.

MUST: Work someplace with a cool name like Sea-Lab
MUST: Have a a super hip name like Cash.
MUST NOT: Use the word foursome.

MUST NOT: Freely discuss your body in a swimsuit with a dude you just met.
MUST: Be man enough to save you from a shark with little more than a Speedo and a fireplace poker.

MUST NOT: Perform experiments on baby shrimp.
MUST NOT: Feel secure enough to leave you alone with a man who has been undressing you with his eyes all night.
MUST: Be clever enough to pick up on your oh-so-subtle Darn It! I'd planned on taking Lew into a Drive-In...Now, I'll have to sit home with my knitting! type hints.
MUST NOT: Mind the whole knitting thing.

MUST: Be strong enough to not touch his friend's woman even though she is totally asking for it.

MUST NOT: Drool over your girlfriend unless that is exactly what you are hoping for.
MUST: Be okay with that kind of night.

MUST: Be hot enough to win your love before a single kiss.

See! Now every one's happy. And, while personally I think Cash's fondness for ascots is a turn-off, his eye brows are pretty hot in that last panel so I think Lila's list worked out in the end. And I have no doubt yours will too.


  1. "He's pretty cool...he probably saved my life." Some women are so hard to impress! PROBABLY?!?

    BTW, this: "If you go looking while you're hungry, you'll end up the with the relationship equivalent of cookies", sums up my entire romantic life pre-2003.

    One final thing: this blog was gone so long I almost started my own, called "As Told To Carmine Infantino", but it just wouldn't have been the same (see above paragraph).

  2. rob!: "Some women are so hard to impress!" Have I taught you nothing?! ALL women are hard to impress. Of course the younger the woman the easier it potentially can be. Hell, even at my age I'm impress by little less than saving kittens from burning buildings and porn worthy stamina.

    Luckily this blog wasn't around to help guide you through your pre-2003 years. You'd very likely have come out the other end far more emotionally scarred.

    I'll attempt to do my best not to force you to fill the void of Stan Lee's absence in the future. But no promises. Trying to juggle work, a house full of too much penis and a midlife crisis is slowing by blogging down.

  3. too much penis

    ...coming to NBC this fall, right after Whitney!

  4. So I was nothing more than an eyebrow ring and an angry word huh?! What about my ass? I thought you liked my ass. And you were just 1 year older than me!

    I ran into your blog a few months back with your anniversary post. I thought that was you but without the nose ring I couldn't be sure. And isn't that they guy you started talking to while we were still dating?! Shame, shame! ;)

  5. rob!: too much penis sounds more like a show on Bravo.

    B: HA! Yes, yes. You were hot but really it was the dimples. I've always has a weakness for a man with dimples.

    I lost the nose ring but, as part of my midlife crisis, I keep thinking about having it done again. And yes, that IS the man I was always mooning over. :)