Yeah, someone needs to put their woman on a choke chain.

"Everyone Loves Me..."
Just Married
Charlton Comics
Number 75
1971

A relationship is a two (occasionally three) person operations. Everyone involved really needs to pull their weight or things start to go downhill fast. We're talking Olympic skier fast. If it isn't at Macy's someone is heading over to Saks. It's only a matter of time.

As always I'm here to share my vast knowledge of relationships. Don't get me wrong, my knowledge was hard earned so it is with no real pride that I throw myself into the teacher role. Now before you start arguing just think about how much smarter I really am than you regarding relationships.

Are you done thinking?

Exactly.

So, now that we are on the same page, back to the topic at hand.

The fact is, on only the rarest of occasions can a relationship problem be placed firmly on one person's lap. As an example of such a case take this actual conversation I had with my closest friend. For the sake of his privacy and since he never reads my blog, we will call him dumbass.

Dumbass: Man, this girl I am seeing has a much stronger "drive" than me.

Spectergirl: Really?

Dumbass: Yeah, to such a degree that I'm not sure this relationship is going to work out.

Spectergirl: Okay, try this. Add up the number of times you "manhandle" yourself in a week to the number of times you're "in the mood" and then subtract that from the number of times she wants to "shehandle" you.

Dumbass: Oh.

Spectergirl: Dumbass.

Dumbass: Hey, why don't we go to lunch so that I can talk non-stop about my book and try and force you to read the most recently completed story arch.

Spectergirl: Ugh.

Dumbass: I'll buy.

Spectergirl: Damn. Okay.

Now that is not word-for-word but I'm trying to keep it family friendly.

Charlton's Just Married is a plethora of relationship strife. What is not to like. In Everyone Loves Me... even I'm hard pressed to pinpoint the newly wed Barbra Larkin's damage. At the very least we have some mind blowing self esteem issues and a whole lot of my biker daddy's in prison going on.

We enter the story on the day Barbra Larkin weds herself a hot guy with blue hair. No, it is blue, I've decided. I have also decided he has a few piercings and a wicked tattoo. Just roll with it.

Watching Barbra ogle the best-man, even before drinking one too many at the reception, it would be hard not to know where this story is going. Yes creepy wedding attendee, perhaps she is too much woman for any one man.

After a reception that I can only assume turns into a disaster, we head directly to the honeymoon. But all seems to be going well.

That is until the first shirtless man shows up.

Man, Buzz must have some monster balls. I mean, her husband is right there. Her husband with his massive tattoo of a skeleton holding a human skull. I'm just saying that tat speaks volumes about just how fragile the lid on Steve's inner rages is.

Buzz is totally oblivious to the total hate vibe rolling off Steve. Steve's words maybe may be polite but his body language just screams giving Buzz a Prince Albert with a rusty hanger.

Steve, of course, is less than pleased with his woman.

But like all newly weds ...

After the honeymoon Steve makes the mistake of moving his new wife into a house that is within fifty miles of another dude. And it is only a matter of time before she starts working to get the self esteem boost she's craving.

On the day of the cook-out Steve must work late. But Barbra is totally okay with the situation. Without Steve there Barbra feels free to make time with all the husbands.

Oddly, the wives, who appear to be twins, don't shove her face down into the grill. Weird. I remember just a few weeks into dating my now husband stopping off at a house rented by some of his college friends and some girl being all flirty with him and, even that early in the relationship, if I hadn't still been firmly in my acting nicer than you really are dating faze I'd have had my combat boot on her esophagus.

Once Steve arrives he watches from the sideline.

Needless to say, Steve is getting pissed.

Why are you behaving this way? Because you're a tease.

Back home Steve tries to shake some sense into this wife.

Once again, for some unknown reason, Steve forgives his crazy female.

And the next day Barbra goes back over to the wives next door and makes a terrible attempt at an apology for coming on to their husbands.

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about with the whole choke collar thing.

Well not surprisingly that love they neighbor relationship gets a little out of hand.

Steve totally has his hand on the butt of a Glock.

If this was an old televisions show this would be about the time that Steve bends Barbra over his knee.

Finally the twins decide to put a stop this all of this.

Steven! Steven, you've let them make a fool of me! Lord she takes herself WAY too seriously. No wonder I hate her.

But once again Steve is there by his wife's side. I guess you can't help who you love.

See how she looks out at you, almost like you might be the next handsome man to draw her attention and Steve's wrath. Scary.

Take a memo Miss Tait ... "You give me a boner." - The Return of As Told To Stan Lee

"Mini Must Go"
Love and Romance

Charlton Comics

Story Art by Charles Nicholas & Vince Alascia
Number 6
1972

Well, with a less than easy pregnancy behind me (I'm all for the advancement of medical science but the Mayo Clinic should never play a role in your medical care) and our new addition well on his way to sleeping thought the night, kind of, I feel it is my responsibility to awaken the slumbering giant that is As Told to Stan Lee.

I figure after months of more "upscale" academic studies of romance comics, it's time to cut to the chase. Yep, we're talkin' sexual harassment - 1970's style!

Now I am sure there is not a girl out there who hasn't had her own brush with sexual harassment. Whether as the victim, the perpetrator, or at the very least forced to sit through one of those training films that teaches us the subtle difference between saying "Hi Roger, can I get you some tea?" and "Nicely tailored Chinos Roger, I'd like to find that package under my tree on Christmas day." So I have no doubt that this tale will speak to each and every one of us on some level.

With "Mini Must Go" we are introduced to poor Dan Childers. Just a working man trying to be all successful and important. But what he doesn't know is that he has already been targeted by the vixen Gina Tait, a devil in a brown belted jumper.

Since most women find nothing more appealing than a man with a Ken doll hair cut and a suit and tie, perhaps Gina Tait isn't the only devil in our tale, but since it's Dan's work that is suffering As Told To Stan Lee is more than comfortable placing the blame solely on our street walker from the secretarial pool.

Despite Gina's obvious attempts to seduce her boss, Dan tries his best to remain focused on his work.

But his near Herculean effort is to no avail.

So, with sales reports, cost analyses and NOW even Gina's contract filing starting to suffer from Dan's constant state of arousal, he decides that there is only one thing to do.

Brilliant!

Quickly Dan's dress code is implemented.

But what seems like a perfect solution to Dan's little "problem" and Gina's hooker appearance, turns out to be a disappointment all the way around.

Yep, only Gina here could make a grandma shirt and orange calf-length skirt powerful weapons of seduction.

But it seems quite apparent the other girls in the secretary pool are not quite as adept at turning on their men.

Despite the fact that the other young, handsome and available men of the office begin to abandon the company like so many rats off of a sinking ship, Dan's desperate attempt to save himself overrides anyone else's concern. And, empty office or not, Dan finally starts to feel confident that he will finally be able to move out from behind his desk without feeling ashamed.

But it is too late. Like Pavlov's theory in action, Dan has already become the dog and Gina is most certainly the bell.

While Gina keeps her cool, Dan begins to crack.

Well played Miss Tait.

Gina, not wanting to be too obvious in her desire to make Dan feel completely uncomfortable and victimized in the workplace, announces that she feels they should no longer work together.

And while Dan is still feeling guilty, as if this has all been his fault, Gina plants the final seed for her inevitable pounce.

With Gina's transfer as his secretary, Dan feel comfortable enough to reverse his dress code change and the office goes back to the productive company it had been.

Until one fateful day when Gina again walked into his office. Gina had given him time, but like all sexual predators, she would have her way.

Seduction!

Thanks for joining me today and make sure to join next time for another in depth look at love and relationships.

What's Your New Year's Resolution?

Hope that 2010 treated you well. But, no matter how great a year was, there is always room for a little improvement.

Yes, it is time for everyone's New Year resolutions. For me, mine consists primarily of trying to make more blogging time and, at the same time, getting my pregnant ass back into the gym. I have to exercise for two you know!

So what are yours?

For those that are needing a little inspiration, As Told To Stan Lee thought we would bring you some possible ideas of how to make 2011 your best year yet!

(Brides In Love, Vol 1, Number 19 - Charlton 1960)

Perhaps 2011 is the year to put an end to your wild days of being a single!

(Falling In Love, Number 117 - DC 1970)

Or maybe it is just time to dump that special person in your life.

(For Lovers Only, Number 66 - Charlton 1972)

Maybe you want to work on improving your pick-up lines.

(Heart Throbs, Number 121 - DC 1969)

Of course, there could be that little detail you might finally want to mention to the police.

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(For Lovers Only, Number 70 - Charlton 1973)

Perhaps you want to spice it up by stealing a man from one of your girlfriends OR maybe you resolve to stop doing that sort of thing so much.

(1st Issue Special, Number 4 - Lady Cop - 1975)

But, if nothing else, maybe you could just settle on learning to take a punch.

Hope this helps in your quest for the perfect New Year's resolution and hope you have a great New Year!