As Told to Stan Lee

No Date this Valentine's Day? Yeah, me neither.

2012-02-14T01:05:00.003-05:00

"Not Born for Love"
Teen Confessions
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Charles Nicholas and Vince Alascia
Number 86
1974

Today's post is for those who are also alone this Valentine's Day. I feel your pain. With my husband working a late shift I will be spending my Valentine's Day alone. (Well, technically with a baby, a toddler and a six year old.) But this lonesome Valentine's day is certainly not the first. Yep, even the amazing Spectergirl has spent her fair share of Valentine's Days without a special someone by her side.

I know, I know. It is nearly impossible to imagine but I speak the truth! There was once a times when I was not the master of relationships and dating that I am now and, though few and far between (I assure you!), times where my affections were not necessarily reciprocated.

In fact, at 17 I was completely smitten with a friend who was a 6' 4" blonde, Mensa member on my high school swim team (every thing's better when wet!) who was head over heals for one of my closest friend. (How could he?!)

This girl, who must have been completely blind, would never even give him the time of day. And she spent more than a year ignoring him as I kept my own fondness a secret.

Finally, two weeks before Valentine's he asked me out. I was so thrown off, after so many months of worshiping from afar, that I said "no". (WTF?!!) How smooth was I?

Of course, he never asked me again and I don't blame him. And that, I'm sure, was for the best since a man obsessed with a poetry writing, no make-up wearing, all-natural hemp girl could never turn around and truly be interested in a dyed hair, black lipstick wearing girl who shunned all things natural.

Besides, I'm sure he would have spent the entire time talking about my friend anyway.

Now, to the lonesome girl story at hand. In Not Born for Love we meet the lonely, boyfriendless Juliet Woods. Too tall, too skinny and a little too smart, Juliet can not seem to catch a man. (I hear ya sister!)

Hate to break it to you Juliet, but Susanne may be the dumbest girl in the freshman class but I think they are more interested in how well she is filling out that shirt.

Awkward is code for she looks fat. That sleeveless sweater and belt are not helping.

I'm not sure which makes me cringe the most the you needed to, Lydia or the I've been eating like a pig.

Mrs. Gannon seems really intense while watching them kiss in that last panel. It is really creeping me out.

A turtle neck AND a sweater vest. Very few men can pull that look off.

See, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times - there is no problem a little exercise and a man to practice kissing with can't solve.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Spock is Dreamy

2012-01-30T23:11:00.009-05:00

"They Always Say They Love Me"
Teen Confessions
Charlton Comics
Number 55
1969

I have always had a weakness for smart men. In fact there is really nothing as attractive as a guy with brains. Now, I'm not talking about those men who like to think they're smarter than you are (I've never met one that was.) and feel the need to always be teaching you something important at every turn. (Ugh!) I'm talking the truly intelligent. Of course, with smart men, you will likely have to over look a twelve-sided die at some point, but nothing is impossible if you really put your mind to it.

My own darling husband has an IQ in something like the 160's but luckily he seems to use it from nothing more obnoxious than a nearly photographic memory of comics and an ability to recall all of the of words to 80's rap, (This is the 80's and Loc is down with the ladies.) Okay, so maybe that is a little obnoxious.

Charlton Comics, with its obvious understanding of Isaac Asimov's Spock is Dreamy hypothesis, bring us a tale of bad boys, smart men and a lot of fist-to-cuts. Sweet!

In They Always Say They Love Me we are thrown into the middle of a would be love-triangle already in progress.

Tina is a high school girl with a weakness for the velvet Nehru jacket/poet shirt wearing bad boy type. (Did I mention of mutton chops?) And, as you well know, nothing good can come of that.

Surprisingly, Tina finds Gig's watching her kissing her boyfriend a distraction instead of the total turn-on that is should be.

Fevvy, sensing his chick's discomfort, is forced to kick his ass. All with his strangely dress and bearded lackey there to watch

Tina puts a stop to the beating and, angry at her man for punching Gig, creepy voyeur or no, refuses to leave with him. Needless to say, Fevvy doesn't take it well.

I don't know about you, in my experience men who say they are different are normally worse.

While Gig walks Tina home they talk about Tina's dwindling interest in school and Gig tries to convince Tina not to drop out.

Now He'll Kiss Me. What an ego.

Gig's talk seems to have really had an affect on Tina. And that night she does some heavy reflecting. And the next morning she decides to try and turn her life around.

Fevvy, Mortie, Ralph and any of the others? ... damn girl, you're still in high school. You need to pace yourself.

Later Tina has a run in with Fevvy and his gang of drop-out- hipster-dumbasses before heading home to study.

Wow, Gig's timing is so perfect it almost seems planned out. I believe Gig is even smarter than we suspected.

Showing up in a tweed jacket and his Clark Kent glasses, like every girl's fantasy, Gig helps Tina with her math. (Perhaps if I had had my own hot blonde tutor I wouldn't have gotten a C- in trigonometry.)

On her way to meet Gig at the library, Tina once again runs into Fevvy and his dedicated hag. Of course, since trouble seems to follow Tina everywhere, fists must fly. And with Tina's help, Gig finally gets to kick a little ass too.

After escaping together, with emotions still running high, Gig and Tina admit their feelings for one another. And Tina finally gets that kiss that she probably still sees as her due.

And, as it should be, the smart guy gets the girl. It probably didn't hurt that he was also hot.

In my opinion there really does needs to be more smart blonde men in romance comics. They should also all be built like Aquaman. Splish-Splash!

When is a Rebound not a Rebound?

2012-01-23T23:35:00.002-05:00

"Can This Be Love?"
Secrets of Young Brides
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Enrique Nieto
Number 3
1975

Well my minions, today's love lesson is on the traditionally suckie rebound relationship. If you've never had one, you can assume you must be in one now and your current relationship will end in tragedy. (Of course my husband has informed me that he has never had one. I'm already packing my bags.)

I personally have only every had one relationship that I would label a rebound. The fact that we were BOTH rebounding seems to have made the end inevitable. In what seems like a common pattern to my dating years, it was with a new clerk in a shop I frequented. (I guess I have just always had a thing for a man with a job.) After a few polite date declines (I knew even then it wasn't a great idea.) I eventually gave in. (We're talking short choppy burgundy dyed hair, ink and dimples when he smiled. I'm only human!)

In true rebound form we hit it off wonderfully but the fact that we still had some major unresolved issue from the past had the relationship abruptly ending after a few weeks. (months?)

So-called "experts" say that a rebound relationship is not necessary destined to fail, assuming you know how to manage it. The key being moving slowly. Well apparently who ever wrote this story knew their shit. We are talking romance at a slow crawl.

Before we begin, I wanted to say that while you might be more familiar with Enrique Neito's horror work, I surprisingly enough really dig the art in this story. I think mainly because the textures totally makes me think of a hand-me-down set of Fashion Plates I got from my Aunt when I was little. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you totally missed out.

In Can This Be Love? we meet a very hot Nick Curtis and the far less hot Charlene something or other. (We don't really care about her.) On a flight from New York to Florida, Nick Cheek-Bones Curtis has himself a seat next to Charlene, a blonde with no appreciation for facial hair and a frightening ugly shirt. (I won't even go into the horrid seventies kindergarten teacher hair cut.)

She's also kind of a bitch.

I wouldn't kick him out of bed for snoring. I might kick him out of bed for being a writer though.

After some polite conversation on the plane, (Was that so hard Charlene?!) they make some loose plans to go out to dinner sometime while they both are in town.

But, while they agree, neither one is really in the market for a new relationship.

When, later at the beach, Nick realizes that none of the chicks turn him on, he finds his thoughts going back to Charlene. And decides to call and schedule that dinner.

Who are these kids?

Charlene agrees and, in the market for a relationship or not, chooses to wear a shirt most definitely purchase from a stripper/clown store.

Oddly, while Nick is a proud owner of a penis, he does not go screaming at the site his date and children in the same room. (Ladies! I think Nick Curtis just got hotter.)

The date goes well but at the end of the night Nick finds his old relationship holding him back.

She must be using double-stick tape. How else could she possibly stay inside that shirt?

And that night they both are haunted by their pasts.

Why do I feel like Charlene's ex is about to tie her to a train track?

As their relationship progresses, Charlene finds herself unable to move forward with so much emotional baggage.

But while traveling home she can't help but think of Nick.

\
Despite all my talk, I really do find sweet guys a lot hotter than bad boys.

And when Nick returns to New York...

With enough time, Charlene finds herself excited to see Nick again. And, taking it painfully slow, they both find they have made it past the pasts.

See, now wasn't that sweet?

And, you know, you always see attractive woman with far less attractive men. It is nice to see it the other way around for a change.

Time for a Love List

2012-01-16T16:55:00.015-05:00

"More Than One Love"
For Lovers Only
Charlton Comics
Story Art Penciled by Charles Nicholas
Number 96
1971

I know, I know. It has been quite a while. And I have no doubt that there are more than a few of you in utter panic for being forced to manage your love lives wholly on your own. Well, fear no more.

You know that old give a man a fish saying, the same goes for romance. So today I am going to teach you one of the keys to managing your own love life, in the case of an extended absence in the future.

Get out your pen and paper my bitches! There most definitely will be a quiz.

Now, I swear to you, if I go the a grocery and don't have a list I am coming back with cottage cheese, crackers and little else. If I go hungry you'll probably see cottage cheese, crackers and cookies. (I suck at shopping.)

Well the same thing goes for relationships. Unless you have a rather elaborate list of must and must nots, you're not going to end up with much of a relationship. If you go looking while you're hungry, you'll end up the with the relationship equivalent of cookies. Nice while you're eating them but, if you have too many, it can be hell on your self-esteem.

I've always been a list maker and even I once dated a man for little more than an eyebrow ring and an angry word or other (hate? rage? put-out?) tattooed across his shoulders despite breaking my long standing must not be younger than me and must not be in a band rules. Needless to say, it didn't last too terribly long.

Well it's now time to make that all important New Love Requirementt list. And of course As Told To Stan Lee is here to help. And what better way to help than with a rapid fire list demonstration on More Than One Love.

Perhaps by the end Lila will have the man that's just perfect for her.

MUST: Work someplace with a cool name like Sea-Lab
MUST: Have a a super hip name like Cash.
MUST NOT: Use the word foursome.

MUST NOT: Freely discuss your body in a swimsuit with a dude you just met.
MUST: Be man enough to save you from a shark with little more than a Speedo and a fireplace poker.

MUST NOT: Perform experiments on baby shrimp.
MUST NOT: Feel secure enough to leave you alone with a man who has been undressing you with his eyes all night.
MUST: Be clever enough to pick up on your oh-so-subtle Darn It! I'd planned on taking Lew into a Drive-In...Now, I'll have to sit home with my knitting! type hints.
MUST NOT: Mind the whole knitting thing.

MUST: Be strong enough to not touch his friend's woman even though she is totally asking for it.

MUST NOT: Drool over your girlfriend unless that is exactly what you are hoping for.
MUST: Be okay with that kind of night.

MUST: Be hot enough to win your love before a single kiss.

See! Now every one's happy. And, while personally I think Cash's fondness for ascots is a turn-off, his eye brows are pretty hot in that last panel so I think Lila's list worked out in the end. And I have no doubt yours will too.

Are you afraid to grow up?

2011-10-31T16:40:00.014-04:00

I'm the first to admit that I have never been good with growing up.

On my 23rd birthday I cried because I thought that 22 was the best age you could ever be and now it was behind me. And it could only be down hill from there, right?

I'm glad to announce that I was wrong.

When I was 29 my husband and I bought a house. A few days before signing the loan papers I was in full panic mode. Thoughts of living in a houseboat or moving from youth hostel to youth hostel flashed through my head. Anything but being tied to a specific piece of land FOREVER.

On this one I was a little bit right.

But oddly nothing has ever made me feel more grown up than giving up my Jeep for a family car when my 2nd son was on his way. Not the house, not turning thirty, not even when Saturday morning cartoons changes from a bunch of adults hanging out in our loft eating trashy cereal and watching Superfriends on DVD to hanging out in bed in a pile of children while eating muffins and watching the Brave and The Bold on DVR. (At least I drive Aaron's Jeep most mornings. But mine was a bright yellow that looked great with my hair, so it still isn't the same.)

How about you? Are you afraid of growing up? Perhaps you're not sure and are in dire need of a scientific test to give you the answer. No need to fear! Cosmo isn't the only publication with the insightful self-tests you so desperately need in order to function within your own very complex life or to answer such taxing questions. No longer do you have only one resource for the answer to questions such as Is Your Boyfriend Jealous of Your Friends? or Are You Ready For A Thong Wardrobe Maker? - nope, not with DC Comics' Heart Throbs.

It's time to find out: Are you afraid to grow up?

Heart Throbs No. # 144 - August 1972, DC Comics

Being the dedicated blogger that I am, I have not only taken the test, but I'm willing share this rare glimpse into my psyche.

I scored a 52 so I've come along way! How did you score? I've shared mine. Now you must share yours.

It's my Anniversary!

2011-10-26T00:01:00.014-04:00

Career Girl Romances #67, February 1972

Country Girl or Country Star
Charlton Comics

When my mother was fifteen she started in a new school. She said that through her entire first class some dorky guy in glasses kept watching her. When class was dismissed he came up to her and the first and only words out of his mouth were "I'm going to marry you someday." She though yeah, right.

Less than two years later they were being driven down to a North Carolina justice of the peace by two very, very disappointed fathers.

You really have to admire my Dad's ability to set a goal and meet it!

I get my determination from my father.

Aaron claims he knew he would marry me after our first telephone conversation. I'd like to say it was because he had discovered that my devastating good looks were rivaled by my keen wit but actually it was because I told him that something he said was like that episode on Star Trek where Nomad thought Kirk was his creater. I have now confirmed for all that, apart from being irresistibly charming, I am also a dork. A confirmation only strengthened by the cake topper at the wedding.

Now, when I first saw my husband, I will admit that marry was not necessarily the verb going through my mind but I had certainly set my sights. The fact that I could see past his mutton chops says a lot about my vision. It wasn't until our third date that I began to suspect that this was definitely the man for me but even I won't go into that.

Well, whether you believe in love, love at first sight or none of the above, As Told To Stan Lees certainly does. And, since I'm feeling a bit sentimental this week, whether from my anniversary or too much Death Cab For Cutie, I decided to share my own young romance.

Once there was a boy who really really liked hats.

And a girl who was always smiling on the outside and look damn good in a leisure suit.

They were unlikely to meet since they grew up a State apart. And one tragic day the little boy was hit by a car while jaywalking across a highway and died.

But, of course, love knows no obstacle too large to conquer.

So, the boy was brought back, a little worse for wear and was allowed to grow up.

In fact, eventually, they both did.

And the boy received a scholarship to a school in the city where the girl lived.

But, while the girl spent all her free time dancing in clubs, the boy worked on his art so, they never ran into each other. (Okay, so perhaps he watched a lot of television. The outcome was still the same.)

Until one day the girl noticed the boy while he was working at a local music store. But he never seemed to notice her. (Bastard!)

The girl was lonely and eventually bought a dog and walked that dog everyday.

It was on one of these walks that she made a discovery. The boy lived in her apartment complex. (Kickass!)

She walked by his apartment every day with her dog. But the boy still never noticed her. (Son of a Bitch!)

But the girl had too much of her father in her so she continued to walk by his apartment everyday. Refusing to be intimidated by the gigantic Winona Ryder poster on his wall and praying that the old Vana White poster wasn't his. (It hasn't! Thank God!) But the boy still didn't notice her. (Mother F---er!)

It wasn't until the girl had nearly give up that it happened. While shopping for a CD the boy asked if she wanted help. She said no but thought better of it and before he had gotten more than a few steps away, called him back. She made ups some bullshit question and they actually spoke.

The boy was very funny *sigh* and very nice *swoon* and when he suggest a band the girl bought the CD even though she totally didn't want it.

The same night the girl's brother, whom she lived with, decided he was going to the same store. So the girl volunteered to go to, hoping that the boy was there. (He was!) Despite the urge the girl did not run, jump up and wrap her legs around the boys waist and arms around his neck and say hi! but they did talk.

The boy finally gave the girl his number. (Damn! Was that so hard?) And the girl gave him hers.

The dog didn't care much for the boy but they learned to love each other.

The boy tried to change the girl but it didn't work. (much)

The girl tried to change the boy. She was better at it and he shaved the mutton chops.

They shopped for a lot of comics and watched a lot of movies.

A few months later he asked her to marry him.

Love Diary #76, January 1972

Love Will Never Come
Art by Charles Nicholas and Vince Alascia
Charlton Comics

They had many bridal showers and received many, many classy gifts.

At the wedding the groomsmen and brides maids all wore tuxes. The girls were upset because the bride would only let them wear a bra under their jackets. (Hey it was my day!) And all the boys acted like James Bond.

There were many, many terrible pictures taken. And the boy and girl danced very poorly.

Later they had a little boy that looked a lot like his father.

One that looked a lot like his mother.

And another for good measure.

The boy and girl still shop for a lot of comics. See far less movies and never get any sleep.

The End.

Happy Anniversary Aaron!

Girls' Romance #119, September 1966

Ask Me About Love .. I'm an Expert!

Art by Bob Oksner and Bernard Sachs
DC Comics

Nothing is as romantic as a stalker love story!

2011-10-19T22:20:00.011-04:00

"To Walk Alone"
Romantic Stories
Charlton Comics
Cover Art by Art Cappello
Story Art by Charles Nicholas & Vince Alascia
Number 126
1973

Okay, so I hadn't actually planned to do this story when I grabbed this particular Romantic Story this morning. I had actually planned to do the cover story but PLEASE passing up a stalker story is just too much to ask. They just make me so happy.

Before you worry yourself about what nightmare inducing images might be found in this stalker story you should know that there are actually three kinds of stalkers, and not all scenarios end with you chained in a disused bomb shelter secreted under an above ground swimming pool.

Type One: The kind that creepily watch you, stages accidental run ins and eventually kills you or tries to kill someone to impress you.

Type Two: The kind that creepily watches you, stages accidental run ins and eventually is found in your closet trying on your clothes and you are forced to call the police.

Type Three: The kind that creepily watches you, stages accidental run ins and you inexplicably end up spending the weekend dancing with them in a gay club in Southern Ohio, crashing in the same hotel room with a little voice in your head telling you that it probably isn't the best idea to share the same same bed with them no matter how casual or numerous her offers, so instead stay awake as long as you can by watching People Under the Stairs a little concerned that you might be awoken in a previously unplanned manner.

I am most intimately familiar with type three and feel secure in saying that this story falls safely somewhere between the last two.

Before we begin I just have to say that I totally want this first outfit. If that yellow raincoat and those boots are shiny plastic or patent leather (my personal kryptonite) I am SO there.

Anyway, with To Walk Alone we meet Tracy Rankin a recently jilted city girl with a fab scents of style and the legs to pull of a killer pair of boots. We can only guess that Arther, her previous fiance, realized he was gay. I mean look at her. Assuming she isn't stupid even I'd hit that!

Rule number one: When you think you are being followed please don't take the time to ask. So maybe she is kind of stupid but still you can't have everything.

After questioning the large man behind her, she discovers it is actually her upstairs neighbor and that he was following her. But he was following her to keep her safe. Which, of course, is what all stalkers say.

But even though Dennis tells her she is beautiful, a compliment she soaks up like a Bounty Paper Towel, the following evening she heads out alone again.

Like any stalker worth his salt, Dennis is waiting for her outside.

And, even though Dennis is obviously a TOTAL stalker, Tracy agrees to go out with him. I guess we shouldn't be too hard on her. Dennis is a red head, and, as a fake red head (most days) since I was seventeen, I can assure you we are irresistible.

Dennis takes Tracy to a nice restaurant and the dates goes wonderfully. In fact in goes better than all the dates he had ever fantasized about while weaving potholders from the hair he secretly collected from her hair brush.

Okay, Jonnie Love leads me to believe that in 1973 steaks could only be afforded by the very rich. Does Tracy think money grows on trees? I don't know how much this stalker gig pays, but I don't think she should assume it pays steak money.

Dinner at Tracy's house seems to go even better. It goes well enough that Dennis feels it is time to tell Tracy that he loves her. Oddly Tracy's tears are not because she is afraid he is going to kill her and wear her skin as a suit.

Wow, Dennis's timing could not have been better. Rebound girl is CRAZY!

Wow, that relationship moved even faster than the relationship between me and my husband. I may have been the stalker in that scenario but he was first with the I love you.

There is Always Time for Workplace Romance!

2011-10-12T23:33:00.007-04:00

"Beware, My Love"
Career Girl Romances
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Charles Nicholas & Vince Alascia
Number 75
1972

I have a confession. I've never dated someone I met through work *gasp* but Career Girl Romances leads me to believe that if you were so inclined you'd be hard pressed to throw a stapler without hitting a would be lover.

In fact a friend of mine once claimed to have met the man of his dreams at "the office". He worked at one of those 900 numbers and was always trying to get everyone else to join up because the pay was okay and it "was a fun place to meet other people". Assuming you wanted to meet other people who had the same terrible job you did.

Of course that totally didn't happen because the outcome would have inevitably been a bad one. Lonely Pervert: Hi, how are you doing? Me: Been better. Lonely Pervert: What are you wearing? Me: A Welcome Funeral Directors T-Shirt and men's wing tips I got at the thrift store for $3. Isn't that a bargain?! Lonely Pervert: Um ... Can I talk to someone else? (No offense to the lonely or perverted. Only the lonely and perverted willing to spend $4.99 per minute.)

So perhaps I just missed my workplace affair window. Unless of course you would count the guy who was always trying to corner me alone in the dressing rooms after closing when I worked retail, a writer for the newspaper I freelanced for that said he'd "really find me attractive if I didn't dress so weird." (Okay, if you don't appreciate Fall of the House of Usher chic why are even bothering me?) or the strange man who, after a short conversation about his cable bill when I worked at a customer service call center, went on to explain, in a deeply seductive voice, every detail of how he wanted to drive to my house, sneak inside, feel the side of my oven still warm from where (he hoped) I had been baking, quietly open its door, pull the racks free and climb inside. (God I miss that job!)

Yeah, didn't think they counted either.

"Beware, My Love" is a short story that shows us just how easy it is to find true love at the office. Even while dressed like you're in a barbershop quartet.

When the attractive Derek Ames walks into Lila Cooper waiting room she can't help but like him. Firstly, he wears a tie and all women like ties on some level (probably because it is kind of like a leash), he sports a black shirt like he is in the mob (it's that bad boy thing again) and he asked her to lunch even though she is dressed like a carnie.

Despite the fact that Miss Cooper has probably let hundred, if not thousands, of unsuspecting men into her bosses office to be screwed over, and good, this time, with Derek Ames' resent kindness fresh in her memory, Lila feel true remorse.

After tipping Ames off and suggesting he does not sign the contract, Derek, not great at improve, makes an awkward exist and Lila's boss becomes belligerent.

Derek asks Lila to lunch once again hoping she will explain why he shouldn't have signed the contract. And this time, slipping on a jacked that helps her to look less carnie and more Mary Poppens, Lila accepts.

I like the crows feet on Derek's eyes. If those were on a female the story would inevitably be about being too old to love.

When they part ways after lunch Lila has high hopes for both a new job and more time with Derek.

Drive-In! At this rate she'll be able to quit that new job any day now!

Lets hope Lila is a WAY better kisser than a typist because that could really lead to an uncomfortable yearly review.

First Impressions - Comics I just had to buy.

2011-10-07T23:47:00.004-04:00

With my husband working nights again I decided to do a quick search through my ever growing romance comic collection for something to post and quite frankly I just couldn't decide. There were just way too many covers that sold me on the book before I even opened its pages.

First impressions are everything. And that is doubly true for romance.

It. Is. Everything. I can not stress that enough.

I remember once meeting the mother of a man I was dating only to have her eyes rake me from tights to t-shirt and say "So, how old is she?" A question she didn't even both to direct to me. Perhaps I should have upgraded my jean cut offs for a skirt or something because she, obviously, was not impressed. And I'm awesome!

My husband once threw-up on a first date. Yep, and he wasn't even drunk! Did he get a second date? I don't remember for sure, but I am guessing no.

Then of course, coming at it from the other side, I once had a guy try to pick me up at a club who had, no more than three weeks early, tried for 20 minutes to grope me in a mosh pit and was saved only by the fact that eventually some gigantic would-be-viking man decided that I fell under his protection. Was I not supposed to remember that? Well I did. Woman remember EVERYTHING.

Good or bad, you only have one shot at a first impressions. Just like in life, a comic also has only moments to sell you on it value. In my opinion, the following did their job. And did it well.

(Time For Love #20, 1972. Cover artist unknown)

I'm not sure what the misunderstanding is but if it involves cage dancing, I'm in!

(Just Married # 86, 1972. Cover artist unknown)

I like how her husband's thrown out arm, with its pushed up sleeve, imply that the guy must shoot up with heroine or something. I'll let you in on a little secret ... it's LSD.

(Sweethearts # 123, 1972. Cover artist unknown)

We all know how much woman hate a man who has an island! This cover makes me what to buy it AND feed that woman a sandwich.

(Young Love # 119, Dec./Jan 1975, 76'. Cover artist Art Saaf?)

I hope when one of my sons goes to prison (because there's no doubt really) that they have a good woman to love them.

(Secret Romance # 29, 1974. Cover artist Art Cappello)

I'm just plain drawn to the gentleman with graying hair who seems to be having a rather elaborate internal dialog about that couple making out in public. What does he know that we don't?

(Secret Romance # 23, Dec./Jan 1973. Cover artist Art Cappello)

I think the blind, even the temporarily blind, should be more often represented in comics.

(Time For Love # 23, 1971. Cover artist by Art Cappello)

Like a dream come true. Another blind guy. Apparently women with low self-esteem love to score with the visually impaired.

(Romantic Story # 126, 1973. Cover artist by Art Cappello)

If he can't be blind, he can at least be dead. She seems more upset that she already paid for the honeymoon than she does that her man is dead. Just to prove that I'm right, I'll let you know she hooks up before the end of the trip.

Now, aren't you just dying for me to post these stories? I thought so.

Put down that milkshake. There's a quicker way!

2011-09-30T21:30:00.001-04:00

Whether you're eagerly waiting next years Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition (men love a woman in a bikini) or the Men of the Stacks Calendar (ladies love a man who can read AND has a job) everyone has specific tastes. Well a few days ago I discovered that As Told to Stan Lee stats showed that 65 people found my blog by searching "fattening up girlfriend".

I'm not sure how exactly that brought them here but I am thrilled!

So in celebration of this newly discovered viewing demographic I wanted to share 1964's secret to fattening up your girlfriend.

I know what you are thinking ... What about months of McDonald's and Reeses Pieces?. Well sometimes when you need to fatten up your girlfriend you don't have the luxury of time. And in times like that there is Wate-On! Just ask Exciting New Actress Eva Six!

(Career Girl Romances # 25, 1964 - Charlton Comics)

And hey, what to to get updates on Spectergirl's entire family of blogs? Check out my new Facebook page. It's like friending me on Facebook without having to see baby pictures!

Just click the link above!

Marry Me Soon, Darling! - A Very Special Hump Day with Jonnie L♥ve

2011-09-21T00:01:00.031-04:00

"Marry Me Soon, Darling"
Teen Confessions
Charlton Comics
Story Art by Demetrio Sanchez Gomez
Number 86
1974

If you've been experiencing a dull ache in your chest (without arm numbness) it is very likely the void left by life without Jonnie Love. Few things outside of war (or possibly a pregnancy scare) can have such a lasting effect.

Somehow a plan for 12 weeks of Love has dragged out to more than a year and I supposed I owe poor Jonnie an apology. So I wanted to make it up to him with this very special and, most probably, final Hump Day with Jonnie Love.

This Hump Day truly stands out, and not just because the girl who owned this comic back in 1974 ALSO owned a Sharpie, but because this time around Jonnie has Marriage on his mind.

Blonde and in a bikini is just Jonie Love's type, no matter how much conflicted comes along with the package. And who can fault him? We all have our weaknesses. I, for one, have always found nothing more attractive than a mop of blonde hair on something tall and broad. So, when I met my husband and that package also came along with smart, funny, comic reading and a bit of a shoe fetish, it was well worth the singular You're Such a Slut I received from a friend who had already called dibs.

In my defense dibs becomes null and void after several months of not having the balls to make your move.

So the question is, will Jonnie find love worth the fight? Or will little old commitment phobia rear its ugly head?

Yes, Jonnie Love has finally found the women of his dreams BUT we are getting way ahead of ourselves. First, lets start from the beginning.

This time around Jonnie Love has ditched the helmet and is riding himself a majorly upgraded hog. I'm guessing that if his previous shitty little Honda was able to inexplicably draw him to the hottest blondes found in Mexico or on the closest beach, this bad boy is bound to have the ability to magically transport him to Sweden where I can only assume that Alexander Sharsgard look alikes and their female counterparts litter the countryside.

But there is no need to travel that far because luckily Green Lake Beach has what Jonnie is always looking for.

Of course Jonnie is quick to make his move but the bathing beauty will be having none of it.

Oh, who is she kidding? No woman can resist our Jonnie Love!

Blonde, Bikini'ed and in need of company? It appears that the new bike was well worth the price of the upgrade.

He didn't usually tell his story to strange chicks but Kathy asked him about himself so... Really? You expect us to buy that? I'm willing to bet that story is your version of small talk at the laundry mat.

So, after Jonnie' s tale (a tale that at his age should really be getting a little embarrassing to tell) and a lot of tell-tale hair touching and back arching on the part of Katherine, Jonnie is invite to her parent's house. Could a steak dinner be far behind?

Well off? Of course they are Jonnie. Of course they are.

Mere moments after meeting Kathy's parents...

Why do father's seem to want to throw their virginal (okay, so I am being generous) daughters at this man? He must really smell good or something.

Steak! I knew it!!

After Jonnie and Kathy bond, over what appears to be a love of kitch, flares and Roy 73, Love makes them its bitch.

And, worthy of a musical montage, the next day Jonnie mows the family's lawn, has tea with Kathy and her mother, is invited to a soiree and plays some singles tennis at the tennis club.

Everything is going wonderfully until Jonnie runs into a little trouble at the club house.

Count yourself lucky complete stranger with absolutely no reason to feel bitter toward Jonnie Love. If there had been a pool around Jonnie would have shoved your ass in so fast you wouldn't know what happened until you were being greeted at the gates of hell with a lung full of chlorine.

After a life time of physical altercation too numerous to count Jonnie shakes the attack off easily enough. And later at Kathy's parent party that evening Jonnie and his new woman steal a few moments together in the kitchen.

And, despite the fact that her father asked Jonnie to stay with the family, giving him use of a studio that offers plenty of privacy, he seems a little surprised at the resulting hookup.

But what was that? Could poor Jonnie be only a rebound for the recently single Katherine?

No, of course not. Even while Kathy's ex stops by the party to speak with her parents, Jonnie Love promises himself to the woman who has grown to mean more to him than going home to his family, and seals this promise with a kiss.

While they truly like Jonnie Love, Kathy's parent's fondness for her ex has them conflicted. And, like all parents, they are totally up in her business.

Sadly, it seems that once Jonnie offers himself to the love of his life, he quickly notices a distancing between them.

Soon Jonnie Love's respect for authority figures has him speaking with Kathy's parents and formulating a plan.

Once both Kathy and Edgar met at the beach with no Jonnie in sight, his plan becomes obvious.

There is something about Edgar's expression and the way he says He's Quite a Guy, Kathy that makes you think that he may be kissing Katherine but his is thinking of Jonnie. Why exactly does that seem SO extremely hot? I'm not sure what that says about me but I'm sure it speaks volumes.

Or was it because he likes to watch?

Though sometime in the future I may do a side-by-side comparison of the Women of Jonnie Love, this is very likely it for me and Jonnie. At least for now. If I eventually track down the couple of Charlton appearances that I have yet to find you'll be the first to know.

Personally I'd like to think that in those missing issues Jonnie Love finally does find a woman for is very own. I also would like to think that she live across the street from his parents.

Goodbye Jonnie L♥ve. Stay sexy.

Yeah, someone needs to put their woman on a choke chain.

2011-08-29T13:44:00.015-04:00

"Everyone Loves Me..."
Just Married
Charlton Comics
Number 75
1971

A relationship is a two (occasionally three) person operations. Everyone involved really needs to pull their weight or things start to go downhill fast. We're talking Olympic skier fast. If it isn't at Macy's someone is heading over to Saks. It's only a matter of time.

As always I'm here to share my vast knowledge of relationships. Don't get me wrong, my knowledge was hard earned so it is with no real pride that I throw myself into the teacher role. Now before you start arguing just think about how much smarter I really am than you regarding relationships.

Are you done thinking?

Exactly.

So, now that we are on the same page, back to the topic at hand.

The fact is, on only the rarest of occasions can a relationship problem be placed firmly on one person's lap. As an example of such a case take this actual conversation I had with my closest friend. For the sake of his privacy and since he never reads my blog, we will call him dumbass.

Dumbass: Man, this girl I am seeing has a much stronger "drive" than me.

Spectergirl: Really?

Dumbass: Yeah, to such a degree that I'm not sure this relationship is going to work out.

Spectergirl: Okay, try this. Add up the number of times you "manhandle" yourself in a week to the number of times you're "in the mood" and then subtract that from the number of times she wants to "shehandle" you.

Dumbass: Oh.

Spectergirl: Dumbass.

Dumbass: Hey, why don't we go to lunch so that I can talk non-stop about my book and try and force you to read the most recently completed story arch.

Spectergirl: Ugh.

Dumbass: I'll buy.

Spectergirl: Damn. Okay.

Now that is not word-for-word but I'm trying to keep it family friendly.

Charlton's Just Married is a plethora of relationship strife. What is not to like. In Everyone Loves Me... even I'm hard pressed to pinpoint the newly wed Barbra Larkin's damage. At the very least we have some mind blowing self esteem issues and a whole lot of my biker daddy's in prison going on.

We enter the story on the day Barbra Larkin weds herself a hot guy with blue hair. No, it is blue, I've decided. I have also decided he has a few piercings and a wicked tattoo. Just roll with it.

Watching Barbra ogle the best-man, even before drinking one too many at the reception, it would be hard not to know where this story is going. Yes creepy wedding attendee, perhaps she is too much woman for any one man.

After a reception that I can only assume turns into a disaster, we head directly to the honeymoon. But all seems to be going well.

That is until the first shirtless man shows up.

Man, Buzz must have some monster balls. I mean, her husband is right there. Her husband with his massive tattoo of a skeleton holding a human skull. I'm just saying that tat speaks volumes about just how fragile the lid on Steve's inner rages is.

Buzz is totally oblivious to the total hate vibe rolling off Steve. Steve's words maybe may be polite but his body language just screams giving Buzz a Prince Albert with a rusty hanger.

Steve, of course, is less than pleased with his woman.

But like all newly weds ...

After the honeymoon Steve makes the mistake of moving his new wife into a house that is within fifty miles of another dude. And it is only a matter of time before she starts working to get the self esteem boost she's craving.

On the day of the cook-out Steve must work late. But Barbra is totally okay with the situation. Without Steve there Barbra feels free to make time with all the husbands.

Oddly, the wives, who appear to be twins, don't shove her face down into the grill. Weird. I remember just a few weeks into dating my now husband stopping off at a house rented by some of his college friends and some girl being all flirty with him and, even that early in the relationship, if I hadn't still been firmly in my acting nicer than you really are dating faze I'd have had my combat boot on her esophagus.

Once Steve arrives he watches from the sideline.

Needless to say, Steve is getting pissed.

Why are you behaving this way? Because you're a tease.

Back home Steve tries to shake some sense into this wife.

Once again, for some unknown reason, Steve forgives his crazy female.

And the next day Barbra goes back over to the wives next door and makes a terrible attempt at an apology for coming on to their husbands.

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about with the whole choke collar thing.

Well not surprisingly that love they neighbor relationship gets a little out of hand.

Steve totally has his hand on the butt of a Glock.

If this was an old televisions show this would be about the time that Steve bends Barbra over his knee.

Finally the twins decide to put a stop this all of this.

Steven! Steven, you've let them make a fool of me! Lord she takes herself WAY too seriously. No wonder I hate her.

But once again Steve is there by his wife's side. I guess you can't help who you love.

See how she looks out at you, almost like you might be the next handsome man to draw her attention and Steve's wrath. Scary.

Take a memo Miss Tait ... "You give me a boner." - The Return of As Told To Stan Lee

2011-07-19T23:00:00.007-04:00

"Mini Must Go"
Love and Romance

Charlton Comics

Story Art by Charles Nicholas & Vince Alascia
Number 6
1972

Well, with a less than easy pregnancy behind me (I'm all for the advancement of medical science but the Mayo Clinic should never play a role in your medical care) and our new addition well on his way to sleeping thought the night, kind of, I feel it is my responsibility to awaken the slumbering giant that is As Told to Stan Lee.

I figure after months of more "upscale" academic studies of romance comics, it's time to cut to the chase. Yep, we're talkin' sexual harassment - 1970's style!

Now I am sure there is not a girl out there who hasn't had her own brush with sexual harassment. Whether as the victim, the perpetrator, or at the very least forced to sit through one of those training films that teaches us the subtle difference between saying "Hi Roger, can I get you some tea?" and "Nicely tailored Chinos Roger, I'd like to find that package under my tree on Christmas day." So I have no doubt that this tale will speak to each and every one of us on some level.

With "Mini Must Go" we are introduced to poor Dan Childers. Just a working man trying to be all successful and important. But what he doesn't know is that he has already been targeted by the vixen Gina Tait, a devil in a brown belted jumper.

Since most women find nothing more appealing than a man with a Ken doll hair cut and a suit and tie, perhaps Gina Tait isn't the only devil in our tale, but since it's Dan's work that is suffering As Told To Stan Lee is more than comfortable placing the blame solely on our street walker from the secretarial pool.

Despite Gina's obvious attempts to seduce her boss, Dan tries his best to remain focused on his work.

But his near Herculean effort is to no avail.

So, with sales reports, cost analyses and NOW even Gina's contract filing starting to suffer from Dan's constant state of arousal, he decides that there is only one thing to do.

Brilliant!

Quickly Dan's dress code is implemented.

But what seems like a perfect solution to Dan's little "problem" and Gina's hooker appearance, turns out to be a disappointment all the way around.

Yep, only Gina here could make a grandma shirt and orange calf-length skirt powerful weapons of seduction.

But it seems quite apparent the other girls in the secretary pool are not quite as adept at turning on their men.

Despite the fact that the other young, handsome and available men of the office begin to abandon the company like so many rats off of a sinking ship, Dan's desperate attempt to save himself overrides anyone else's concern. And, empty office or not, Dan finally starts to feel confident that he will finally be able to move out from behind his desk without feeling ashamed.

But it is too late. Like Pavlov's theory in action, Dan has already become the dog and Gina is most certainly the bell.

While Gina keeps her cool, Dan begins to crack.

Well played Miss Tait.

Gina, not wanting to be too obvious in her desire to make Dan feel completely uncomfortable and victimized in the workplace, announces that she feels they should no longer work together.

And while Dan is still feeling guilty, as if this has all been his fault, Gina plants the final seed for her inevitable pounce.

With Gina's transfer as his secretary, Dan feel comfortable enough to reverse his dress code change and the office goes back to the productive company it had been.

Until one fateful day when Gina again walked into his office. Gina had given him time, but like all sexual predators, she would have her way.

Seduction!

Thanks for joining me today and make sure to join next time for another in depth look at love and relationships.

What's Your New Year's Resolution?

2010-12-29T16:40:00.002-05:00

Hope that 2010 treated you well. But, no matter how great a year was, there is always room for a little improvement.

Yes, it is time for everyone's New Year resolutions. For me, mine consists primarily of trying to make more blogging time and, at the same time, getting my pregnant ass back into the gym. I have to exercise for two you know!

So what are yours?

For those that are needing a little inspiration, As Told To Stan Lee thought we would bring you some possible ideas of how to make 2011 your best year yet!

(Brides In Love, Vol 1, Number 19 - Charlton 1960)

Perhaps 2011 is the year to put an end to your wild days of being a single!

(Falling In Love, Number 117 - DC 1970)

Or maybe it is just time to dump that special person in your life.

(For Lovers Only, Number 66 - Charlton 1972)

Maybe you want to work on improving your pick-up lines.

(Heart Throbs, Number 121 - DC 1969)

Of course, there could be that little detail you might finally want to mention to the police.

(For Lovers Only, Number 70 - Charlton 1973)

Perhaps you want to spice it up by stealing a man from one of your girlfriends OR maybe you resolve to stop doing that sort of thing so much.

(1st Issue Special, Number 4 - Lady Cop - 1975)

But, if nothing else, maybe you could just settle on learning to take a punch.

Hope this helps in your quest for the perfect New Year's resolution and hope you have a great New Year!

How can he love anyone who looks like me? or How to pick up a girl with low self-esteem.

2010-11-16T21:18:00.007-05:00

"How Can He Love Anyone Who Looks Like ME?"
Girls Romances
Cover Art by Nick Cardy
Story Art by Jim Pike
Number 144
1969

As a number of you already know, a certain "ailment" has kept me from blogging for some weeks now. Currently I am feeling quite myself again and thought I would try to throw up a post while I still can.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love me a good low self-esteem story. The lower the better. And since it will be only a matter of months before I will be lamenting the same thing, As Told to Stan Lee is happy to present "How Can He Love Anyone Who Looks Like Me?"

In this story we meet the hideous troll that is Joanie, a beautiful blond with one ugly secret. (If you are guessing a third nipple or penis, you are, much to everyone's disappointment, mistaken.)

Like so many girls, it really just takes a single, stupid man to destroy Joanie's self-esteem. In this story, it is David. To help with any confusion from here on out we will refer to him as "Mr. Smooth".

Mr. Smooth seems to be doing quite well this evening with his flattery and attentions, that is until he shows himself to be the dumbass we all suspected him to be.

Yes, he actually said that. Oddly, Joanie doesn't see this for what it is, a stupid comment from a boy who is not likely to get any for a very long time. And instead lets it destroy her fragile self-esteem for years to come.

Good job jackass.

So from that point on, despite her good looks, her adequate rack and her fine ass, Joanie decides to dwell on a mole.

Truthfully her obsession with her mole seems to be her least attractive quality.

Joanie's life looks to be one of loneliness and, possibly, bell ringing. That is until one fateful night when she meets a man who knows his way around a girl with low self-esteem.

Step #1 - Ask her if she is married or going steady, thus implying that you see her as having value.

Step #2 - Talk about not being able to love anyone until you met her.

Step #3 - Tell her she is beautiful.

Step #4 - Tell her how you love that thing about her that she hates so much.

See, it's just SO easy.

As a woman I feel a little bit like a traitor for sharing the keys to scoring with a girl who has low self-esteem but I figure it does go both ways.

That's why it's so easy to score with guys who like comic books!

Mexican Madness! The return of Hump Day with Jonnie L♥ve

2010-10-05T21:25:00.003-04:00

"Mexican Madness!"
Teen-Age Love

Charlton Comics

Cover and Story Art by José Luis Garcia-Lopex
Number 95
1973

Ah yes, the term "Mexican Madness" brings such fantastical images to mind. The possibilities seem almost endless. Possibilities that can't be dampened even by the laws of mortal men.

So, when I found that Jonnie Love starred in a story by that title, I knew I must posses it. Which then lead to Hump Day with Jonnie Love.

Now my schedule has left poor Jonnie by the wayside for a few weeks, but not forgotten. So today, I will present the 2nd to last tale in the Hump Day series. The one that started it all, 'Mexican Madness!' So please seat back and enjoy ... well, an extremely similar Jonnie Love story to the one we just read back in Teen-Age Love # 93.

As the Jonnie Love saga continues, Jonnie has once again gotten turned around only to head back into the open arms of sunny Mexico. Of course, as always, his off-beat bearded beatnik looks draw all kinds of attention.

And, in the economic boom that was Mexico in 1973, it isn't long before employment falls right into his lap.

Accepting the job due to a lack of 'bread', Jonnie agrees to accompany the "couple" back to their hotel. (Wow, this is getting even wilder than I dared imagine!) And then Jonnie, the man who seems to possess only a guitar and the cloths on his back, whips out a blue suit and ascot as if from another dimension.

Luckily for Jonnie, Uncle Arthur, everyone's favorite guardian, isn't well enough to attend dinner and generously offers this car for the young pair's use.

Of course, nothing makes for a more romantic evening than a little queso fundido and the music of a mariachi band.

Maybe it was the setting of moonlight and ancient history, or perhaps it was the warm breeze and the smell of nicotine breath, but Jonnie Love finds himself falling for Susan. Or, at least, falling enough.

But if I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, you can not trust a blonde with that must volume.

We were all well aware that something about Jonnie Love makes people what to run him down in a car, but this is the first time I realized that there was something about his motorcycle that makes people want to shove diamonds into its gas tank.

Too bad "the Latimers" hadn't bothered to read Teen-Age Love #93. If they had, they would have known how Jonnie Love rolls.

Happy Hump Day everyone!

Proof that 'Teen Love Stories' was written and edited by a bunch of old men.

2010-09-28T15:05:00.007-04:00

( Teen Love Stores Magazine# 2, 1967)

If it is 1967 and you have trouble telling the Beatles apart you probably shouldn't be working on a love stories magazine for girls.

Also, put out that cigar, smoking will eventually be found to cause cancer.

More Vietnam-Time Romance.

2010-09-14T15:35:00.005-04:00

"Second Choice!"
Heart Throb

DC Comics

Cover Art by Nick Cardy
Story Art by Tony Arbuzzo
Number 121
1969

Once again we have a story in which the Vietnam War plays somewhat of a role. In this case, it allows for a convenient set-up where we can find a newly married man raising another man's baby without implying anything improper on anyone's part.

Okay, so convenient may be a bit of an exaggeration. The whole set up is terribly contrived and seems wholly unnecessary. But we are talking about the moral standards of the 'Code' and not necessarily a reflection of reality. I mean surely my parents weren't the only young teens driven down South for a quickie wedding in the late 1960's.

With Second Choice! we enter a story already underway. In a scene played out a thousand times before, Jim walks in on his girlfriend Amy in the arms of another man. The arms of a good friend.

Jim, though madly in love with Amy, is a complete gentleman about the situation and even acts as the Best Man in the wedding. But don't worry, give him a chance, he will eventually show his true colors and like all men reveal himself to be the tool he really is.

Now, of course, things get complicated. Serving together, Billy is a constant reminder to Jim of the woman he loves and the life that would have been his.

And then tragedy strikes.

Wounded himself, Jim is soon home. And thrown together by circumstance, it is only a matter of time before the feelings Amy felt for Jim before meeting Billy start to come back.

It only takes 3 months of marriage before the reality of having a baby really starts to sink in for Jim.

And raising someone else's baby at that.

Eventually the sleep deprivation has Jim cracking up.

And when you are THAT tired, not to mention badly in need of a quick tumble in the back room of a Thom McAn, you are bound to act like a jackass.

What a tool.

Of course, everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves.

It is hard to believe it took Jim that long to figure it out. Maybe that war wound was a head injury.

Jonnie Love - Sexiest Man Alive?

2010-08-18T07:20:00.004-04:00

"The Town that Forgot Love"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love
Number 94
1973

There can be no doubt the women love an artist. Whether a man can paint, sculpt or string a coherent sentence together, we find it irresistible. But sometime around the age of 32 a whole new world of sexy opens up - a man who knows how to fix things. And there is nothing hotter!

About this time conversations start to change from "And then he sketched me in charcoals while I slept." to "Afterwards he fixed that toilet downstairs that kept running."

Now men, don't be foolish enough to make the assumption that you can, if nothing else, skate by on good-looks and talent all your life. At some point you WILL be asked to install a ceiling fan. And if you know how to snake a drain or switch out an alternator! OMG are you getting lucky tonight!

With that said, we come to Jonnie Love.

Everyone's favorite stray, Jonnie is adabtable as well as bearded. And he has learned a great deal on the lonely road. A lot more than just that there are alternatives to washing dishes to get a free meal. Yep, a lot more.

In The Town that Forgot Love, Jonnie's never ending drive home brings him to yet another town in need of his help.

White - Jonnie's favorite kind of trash!

He says "family" but I think it's a Social Security check.

See! Women of all ages just really like Jonnie Love.

Wait! Who's seducing who here?

Fix up the place? Jonnie, Bonnie is only a teenager, you're pulling out the big guns for the wrong woman!.

Oh, Bonnie, where to begin?

Oh, except for the time where the disapproval of my principle and my parents had me running away for, like, twenty years.

Jonnie, this is kind of private. Can you and creepy green sweater guy give them some room?

Happy Hump Day everyone!

Outlaw Girl!

2010-08-13T00:00:00.002-04:00

Like your romance with more cowboy hat? Make sure to check out ...

As I get a chance to guest blog on

Once Upon a Time in the West in Comics!

The most EXCITING Hump Day ever!

2010-08-11T16:00:00.004-04:00

"Never Forget Me"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love

Cover and story art by José Luis Garcia-Lopez

Number 93
1973

Don't let the awkward shoulder massage on the cover fool you, this is the most action packed Jonnie Love story to date!

In Never Forget Me we catch up with Jonnie Love on his ceaseless journey home - this time in sunny Acapulco! Damn, that boy needs a compass.

Long trips give a person time to reflect. Time to reflect on their past, their present and their future. And Jonnie Love's own reflections only help solidify he desire to return home. Nothing can stop him.

For Jonnie Love women are trouble. And when his thoughts turn in the direction of Diane it is enough to distract him from possible death by vehicular homicide.

Did Jonnie Love just curse?

After the initial road rage subsides, Jonnie goes to see if he can help.

"She's a girl!" What gave it away Jonnie? I'm going to guess her huge rack.

Not sure if he actually believes all Diane's drama, Jonnie still throws her on the back of his bike and takes off. But it isn't long before he realizes Diane is not exaggerating.

Wow, that's a huge step up from a thug wearing a Nazi helmet.

Once it appears they are in the clean, Diane's hunger apparently overcomes her and she begs to stop.

Thank God that King Kastle Hamburgers (Home of Hamburger) was there.

Jonnie, of course, is no fool. And realizing that women can't be trusted, he watches Diane's every move.

"I'm just a dizzy blonde, Jonnie!" He's heard that one too many times.

Back out on the road, soon the Mercedes of death is hot on their heels!

Squirrel! (Make sure to check out Sequential Crush on Squirrels in romance comics!)

Death or capture seem the only alternatives but Jonnie Love is more than just acquainted with the art of running way. And knowing where you're running to is half the battle.

Like he said, nothing was going to stop him from getting home this time. Not even a beautiful woman with more than enough money in diamonds to buy him another outfit.

Hump Day + One

2010-08-05T23:30:00.001-04:00

"Where the Action Is"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love

Story art by Frank Bolle

Number 91
1973

As I am sure you have noticed, I am late.

I'm also sure that this isn't the first time Jonnie Love has heard a woman say that!

So today we will celebrate Hump Day Plus One. And what better way to celebrate than with Where the Action Is. A story, that true to its title, starts with all the action any Jonnie Love fan could ever desire.

This time we meet up with Jonnie on the beach. WHAT?! Yes, and our hero has upgraded from clear plastic to a super hip white helmet.

When Jonnie sees a shapely blonde being pawed against her will, he overcomes his aversion to confrontation and asks the beach Casanova to back off.

As expected, the fists starting flying.

Soon the blonde becomes concerned that Jonnie may get hurt. We, of course, know Jonnie better than that.

Nice move Jonnie Love!

After blinding Ozzie, perhaps for life, Jonnie gains enough time to grabs the blonde and run.

And while Ozzie and his thugs swear vengeance on Jonnie Love, Jonnie starts feigning interest in his bike mate only to quickly learns that all his dreams have come true.

One chaperon isn't enough to deter Jonnie Love.

We thought you'd never ask!

After listening to Gina and her friends whine for what seems like an eternity, Jonnie meets the chaperon.

Mrs. Shaw seems tense Jonnie. Any ideas?

Jonnie tells Gina that he will stay round as a deterrent to boy of a more appropriate age.

Gina is VERY appreciative.

Of course it isn't long before more trouble shows up.

And Jonnie Love is forced to tattle.

You are the MAN Jonne Love!

But while he waits for the authorities to come, Jonnie Love is forced to take matters in his own hands. But don't worry, Jonnie Love is truly in his element.

Once the police arrive, Jonnie lets the boys in blue take over.

And the girls give Jonnie a hero's welcome.

When Jonnie finally departs from the girls, Ozzie and his pals make one last attempt to teach Jonnie a lesson. But Jonnie Love's skill at escape can't help but impress.

Be kind and remember to L♥ve one another.

Jonnie Love - NARK!

2010-07-28T21:07:00.001-04:00

"Buy me a Dream!"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love

Script by Joe Gill

Cover and Story art by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez

Number 89
1972

Well we all knew it was only a matter of time. Jonnie Love's attention to grooming, his unquestionable knack for running into trouble and his nearly mythical respect for authority could have lead to only one thing.

Jonnie Love - Nark!

And who makes a better undercover agent than a guy who looks just a little to old to be hanging out with teenagers. (For those of you over 30 like myself, think of it like 21 Jump Street with only Richard Grieco.)

In "Buy Me a Dream", Jonnie Love "the rover" is, well, run off the road. And, in fact, he is run off the road by a beautiful blonde. That Joe Gill doesn't beat around the bush.

Jonnie quickly deduces that this beautiful blonde in under the influence of something very powerful. And it's not his machismo, not yet anyway.

At the party Joanne tries to score more illegal substance from Bunkie. But Bunkie senses that Jonnie Love is not a man to be trusted. (Maybe because he looks to be about 40.)

Joanne offers to take Jonnie to his bike. Jonnie excepts and takes advantage of the time to question her about her drug of choice. ( Which is still not him, but don't worry, it will be.)

Told you!

After they part ways, Jonnie find some ditch somewhere to sleep in. Despite the fact that he is just passing through and can't afford to get involved, he finds himself thinking about Joanne.

And then Jonnie Love is hassled by the man.

After a speech worthy of Dragnet, Jonnie excepts the offer of his dream job.

Jonnie Love knows the seriousness of using controlled drugs, so he get started right away. And soon has his suspections about Buckie being the source of the tranks confirmed.

Finally Jonnie starts to gain the trust of the pusher.

And, like any good sting operation, it takes almost no time at all and the police take the time to point out the nark.

Good going cop! Let just hope Bunkie never gets out of jail or Jonnie IS going to be rundown in the street.

The Jonnie Love Drinking Game

2010-07-21T22:00:00.011-04:00

"Backlash!"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love
Script by Joe Gill
Story art by Tony Tallarico (as Tony Williams)
Number 73
1970

Welcome back to another week of Hump Day with Jonnie Love!

For those of you tuning in late, two weeks ago our hero scored himself a sweet plastic helmet thanks so Hot Nurse and some guy who apparently must have wanted to score with Hot Nurse.

Now that we are all on the same page, it's time to play the Jonnie Love Drinking Game. Everyone knows how a drinking game works, so here are the Jonnie Love specifics.

You must take a drink when:

1. Someone starts talking shit about Jonnie Love.
2. Someone tries to kill / run Jonnie Love off the road.
3. Jonnie Love finds himself a blonde.
4. Jonnie Love eats steak.
5. Jonnie Love plays a song of seduction on his acoustic guitar.
6. Jonnie Love goes into his speech about "going home".
7. Jonnie Love gets some action.
8. Jonnie Love pushes someone into a pool
9. Jonnie Love punches or gets punched.
10. Jonnie Love runs out of gas.
11. Jonnie Love teaches someone about making rash
judgements/poor decisions.
12. Jonnie Love calls in the authorities.

See, simple enough. And if you play it right, you won't be able to stand up!

Looks like someone's talking shit. Time for the 1st drink!

Someone has run him off the road. Time for your 2nd drink!

Is that a blonde I see? Drink 3!

Sure is, might as well have a 4th!

Yes! A steak and a he's got that guitar out! Drink 5 and 6!

Going Home! 7!Now that kiss totally counts! Drink 8!

Looks like another attempt on his life to me! Have yourself your 9th drink.

Looks like these tough guys are talking more shit. ! Have yourself your 10th drink.

Well, he IS at a gas station, so I think that should count. Drink 11! And WOW, is that Jonnie love leaping out like a tiger to kick some ass? Time for Drink 12!

Lesson taught, authorities called. Fantastic! 13 and 14!

Jonnie Love should be pretty much irresistible by now.

Longing to put on shoes and leave the kitchen?

2010-07-21T10:50:00.000-04:00

The world has come a long way since my mother in-law was hired to "dress up the office" only to get fired once she become pregnant.

Yep, today there are all kinds of opportunities out there for us girls. And you'd be surprised at how few involve bunny tales. (Tragic really.)

With unemployment flirting with record breaking numbers make sure to check out Ms. Jacque Nodell's FABULOUS blog Sequential Crush as she helps you ...

Just click the image above!

Ask Spectergirl!

2010-07-19T13:35:00.002-04:00

I will admit that it has been a while since a poor soul out there in need of advice has awaken my more benevolent side. But thanks to the talented Rob Kelly, blogger extraordinaire and all around great guy, I have found just that.

It takes a real man to own himself some Teen Love Stories. It takes an even better man to give them to me! Thanks Rob! You are truly the bee's knees.

Now we best hurry, it's been 43 years and we might be too late!

(originally answered incorrectly in Teen Love Stores Magazine# 1, 1967)

Miss C,

I don't know what the hell the Order for the Rainbow for Girls is, but it is most assuredly one of two things.

It it either A - a cult. In which case don't bother to do your nail, you'll be planting rhubarb in some communal garden before the end of the week. Or B - some kind of lesbian experimentation club, in which case, definitely do your nails, buy really expensive panties and take careful notes. That kind of thing is New York Times Best Seller GOLD! And if you're looking THAT good you'll be the main character in everyone elses book too!

Masquerade Marriage - More Matt Baker Art!

2010-07-18T14:02:00.002-04:00

"Masquerade Marriage"
St. John
Teen-Age Temptations
Cover art by Matt Baker
Story art by Matt Baker
Number 8
1954

If I ever had myself a daughter I would be sure to make her read this this story. Since I have sons, I will hide it in fear that they might get some ideas.

Once again we are blessed with the incredible talent of Matt Baker. American Art Archive states he was an artist that specialized in Good Girl Art. I believe that Good Girl is not the description one would, at first glance, use for many of the St. John stories he lent his talent to but my Great Grandmother always said that "Good girls are the ones who get caught" and I think after a closer look at these stories, Good Girl is a fine description.

In Masquerade Marriage we meet two high school girl who think themselves more worldly then they are and who learn a tough lesson in a rather shocking, even by today's standards, way. I believe perhaps Pat and Jetta are more Good Girl than they might first appear.

Matt Baker's art is, as always, gorgeous. With wonderful story telling, great texture and, born of a true understanding of anatomy and the female form, extremely sexy women.

I hope you enjoy Masquerade Marriage. And please make sure to check out KB's Out of this World entry on Matt Baker from December 2009. Just click here!

Terrible Week - With an apology to Jonnie Love

2010-07-16T11:21:00.005-04:00

Sometimes weeks come along that are so utterly without joy that you can barely stand the idea of the many weeks that loom out from the future and its wicked abyss.

This has been one of those very weeks.

Sorry Jonnie Love for missing Hump Day but I will try and make it up to you and your newly acquired Lucite helmet.

Helmets and Handbars - Hump Day with Jonnie Love

2010-07-07T00:01:00.015-04:00

"One Kiss"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love
Cover art by Art Cappello
Story art by Bill Fraccio
Number 72
1970

You've heard it said a thousand times - love is like learning to dance, or some variation on that theme. Not likely.

Love is like a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. And a Vandyke beats a Handlebar Mustache EVERY time. Feel free to quote me on that.

In One Kiss Jonnie Love's supernatural appeal to the opposite sex has him, once again, playing for his life. Jonnie, in one of the almost too numerous to count, cities with ample beach-front property, that apparently litter the length of this great nation, finds himself yet again with his arms around a girl with a prior claim.

But that claim is not made by just anyone. It's made by the Satan's Horde. And they want their hag back.

Jonnie's plan is to take Paula back home to her parents, but Paula warns that the Horde won't be too happy about it.

Paula is all too right.

Nick, obviously the Queen Bee of the rough and tumble biker gang, tries to distract Jonnie while Morrie grabs their hag and runs, by bringing up a subject that Jonnie Love is very passionate and opinionated about. Crash helmets.

Paper covers rock.

But, though temporarily distracted into voicing the thoughts brought about from many, many hours of crash helmet contemplation, Jonnie realizes the trick, but a little too late.

Yes, Go Get'em tiger!

As Jonnie runs for his bike to try and save the blonde he comes to a realization.

Damn, he's both sexy and smart.

But as he sped off the Horde got an idea. An awful idea. The Horde got a wonderfully, awful idea.

Rock smashes scissors.

Will Jonnie Love's almost religious anti-crash helmet stance cost him his life?

Not this time.

And, as if by divine providence, Jonnie's redheaded bootylicious nurse knows a guy, who knows a guy.

And it isn't long before Jonnie Love's weird, and up until now unknown, obsession with crash helmets actually pays off.

Thank you hot nurse!

Soon both Jonnie and his bike are all patched up and he is delivered a crash helmet straight out of one of his weird helmet-related fantasies.

It has everything he's ever wanted in a helmet. And that includes his initials right on the side. Kick Ass!

And when I say everything. I mean EVERYTHING.

Pace yourself Jonnie, you've just gotten released from the hospital.

Jonnie is quickly back on the road to see Paula. And, as expected, his helmet is a big, sexy hit with the ladies.

But Jonnie Love's presence again in town has drawn the attention of the Horde.

But, luckily for Jonnie Love, much like a bird's inability to distinguish a clear, plate glass window, gays can't see plastic.

Which helps him to kick some ass WITHOUT having to run to the police or some parental authorities.

Rock kicks ass!

Paula thanks him for the floor show.

And once again Jonnie Love is off to ... um ...where was that now?

Oh yeah, that's right.

Hump Day with Jonnie Love - Don't Love Harriet!

2010-06-30T22:15:00.001-04:00

"Don't Love Harriet!"
Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love
Cover art by Luis Avila
Story art by Tony Tallarico
Number 67
1969

I first ran into Jonnie Love in Teen-Age Love #82 in a story called Make Room in Your Heart ... For Me! I found a story about a bearded, seduction-song singing, wanderer whose internal dialogue seem to consist primary of worries about beard-related prejudice, beyond entertaining.

The more I have read of Jonnie Love, and as of today I have read a hell of a lot, the more entertaining I find him.

While he is definitely played up as a hippie-type he is also ALL ABOUT authority. It seems any chance this bearded rebel gets to run and tattle to the police or, even better, to someone's parent, the happier he is.

Despite the motorcycle, the vandyke, the shaggy hair (and believe me it gets really shaggy), the hip clothes and the fact that he is just passing through like some kind of vagabond, parents seem to instantly trust him.

Of course there is also almost always a girl who tries to use him and a guy who feels the need to run him down in a car.

In Don't Love Harriet! we once again witness another damn interuption in Jonnie Love's continual quest to make it home. This time a fishnet stocking wearing harpy tries to use Jonnie for her own selfish ends and get herself a lesson in LOVE.

Wow, is that the least sexy kiss ever?

Thank goodness Jonnie is a good guy, that kind of silver tongued singer-song writing ability could so easily be used for nefarious purposes.

Exactly how long is that Jonnie? At this rate you might not make it before Charlton closes its doors.

Hump Day with Jonnie Love - The Enchanter

2010-06-23T23:10:00.008-04:00

"The Enchanter"

Charlton Comics
Teen-Age Love
Cover art by Charles Nicholas and DiDendetto
Story art by Bill Fraccio
Number 66
1969

Welcome to a second installment of Hump Day with Jonnie Love! A day dedicated to everyone's favorite well-intentioned youth or middle -aged sexual deviant? You decide.

Well today's story, once again, has everything we have come to expect from the Jonnie Love mythos. We have hot chicks, a need for a gas can, fisticuffs, young girls oddly aroused by fisticuffs, trusting parents and a delicious meal.

In The Enchanter we meet up with Jonnie after a mishap involving exhaustion and an empty railroad car. A railroad car that has taken him unaware and spit him out onto the beautiful sandy beaches of sunny Florida.

Can a state blessed by God himself for use by only the richest among us accept a man like Jonnie Love? Our Jonnie Love? A drop-out? A rebel? You'll have to wait and see.

Jonnie Love, as always, is trying to make he way home. As it has always been, Jonnie survives on the charity of others. More often than not, charity comes in the form of a well-turnedout blonde with short-shorts and a tight top.

Today is no different.

Jonnie, who can never say no to a lady, agrees and it is only a matter of time before his underage blonde detector helps him to saves the day.

Nice ass Jonnie Love!

Like all woman, Tessa and her mother finds it easy to tell Jonnie about their own personal business. And this little bit of information has Jonnie Love getting involved.

Getting involved is always a painful proposition for Jonnie Love. In this case resulting in having his ass kicked by a dude in a Nazi helmet, while being watched by a dude in a turban.

And not for the first time, Jonnie Love finds himself held captive in the trunk of a car. The truck of a car in the blazing hell like temperatures of freakin' Florida.

Jonnie tells Tessa that her Guru is a fraud and is after her parent's money. Unexpectedly, this brain-washed youth believes him right away. Maybe it's his devil beard.

After enjoying watching Jonnie kicking ass, enjoying it maybe a little too much, Jonnie and Tessa come up with a plan.

A plan that involves Jonnie Love kicking even more ass and saving the day.

Of course, in their gratitude, the Blair's offer Jonnie Love their oldest daughter.

Patience little sister, your time will come.

Oh Jonnie Love, our thoughts are with you.

One part romance, two parts HORROR

2010-06-20T22:00:00.001-04:00

"Richard" &
"I'll Never Let You Go!"
Charlton Comics
Haunted Love
Cover art by Frank Bolle
Number 2
1973

Well I still haven't managed to shake the horror bug. I've tired, I swear, but it just isn't that easy. So, once again I am going to force my horror desires on you.

You can always click away to another site but I will know who you are and I will shame you until your dying day.

Of course, for many of you, I had planned to do that anyway.

First up we have another teaming up of Nicola Cuti, on script. and Joe Staton, art.

With a bit of a twist ending, that is also sort of sweet, please enjoy Richard.

I would like to think that Richard didn't give Terese enough credit. (I'm a bit of a romantic.) But I am sure that he was right to think her that shallow. (I'm also a bit of a realist.)

Next up I'll Never Let You Go!, with script by Joe Gill and some fantastic art by Frank Bolle. Within the pages of this story you see all the influence of that early seventies Edwardian revival which gives us some really great textures and splended clothing in those bedroom scenes. But don't worry, there are still plenty of mini skirts and turtlenecks.

You know, I think I might have dated that guy.

Hump Day with Jonnie Love

2010-06-16T21:07:00.005-04:00

I know if may seem odd for a blog called As Told to Stan Lee to obsess over, of all things, a reoccurring Charlton Comics character. But hey, sometimes things take on a life of their own.

Well today I received my newly ordered, highly coveted, 12 Charlton issues featuring Jonnie Love, seven of which have a Jonnie Love cover. *swoon*

Now I know what you are thinking - "Wow! You are quite possibly the perfect woman, do you perchance have a sister?". I do, but she hates comic books. Now, if you don't mind, back to the subject at hand.

Well in my excitement I concluded that I had three options. First, posting all twelve, in their entirety, this very evening. Too much work and over WAY too quickly. Second, soaking in a bubble bath while drinking heavily and reading these newly acquired treasures. Dangerous combination AND terribly bad for the comics. Or, lastly, I could just pace myself and post one issue each week for twelve glorious weeks.

This last option has won out, so welcome to the first ...

HUMP DAY WITH JONNIE LOVE

(Charlton Comics' Teen Confessions #55 - Mini Poster)

Wow, those are some tight pants Jonnie Love!

Horror, Romance and Pornography - Something for Everyone!

2010-06-11T21:30:00.007-04:00

"Eternal Teacher" &

"A Kiss to Save Him from the Grave!"
Charlton Comics
Haunted Love

Cover art by Tom Sutton
Number 1
1973

Obviously I love romance comics. I also love horror. Especially bad horror. For me horror either needs to be really good or so bad that it's good. None of this mediocre garbage or worse yet, stuff so bad that it is ACTUALLY bad. That is just a tragic waste of potential.

At times horror has made me hesitant to turn out the lights, afraid to look in the mirror, startled by any unexplained noise in the night, but worst of all, horror has made me watch porn.

I'm not saying that I was watching a horror film that turned out to be porn, no. Just that, after watching a really badly acted horror film, my senses were dulled enough that when flipping to find something to watch the following evening I didn't recognize the clear "I'm Porn!" indicators in the next badly acted film. That is, until it was TOO late. (I should have known that a man running for government office wouldn't be so ripped.)

And I should know my porn. Many years ago I worked customer service for a cable company and any time some nineteen year old was too cheap to pay for his evening entertainment he'd call me to say that his pay-per-view picture quality was bad and he didn't want charged for his selection. He would inevitably be embarrassed as I put him on hold to check the channel on my end only to come back to explain that A) it was sun spots and he would be credited (very rare) or B) that that IS what it looks like when you film a porno in the back room of a Taco Bell with a camera phone (less rare).

Anyway, my whole point is, before I got off track, that I love romance comics and horror, so could there be any greater combination? I didn't think so either.

I would normally prefer to hold off my horror romance until October but I am just in the mood, so today I bring you Haunted Love #1.

First we have Eternal Teacher, script by Nicola Cuti with art by Joe Staton.

Next up we have A Kiss to Save Him From the Grave with no information on the writer but with art credit going to Tom Sutton.

Now wasn't that fun?

Jonnie Love says "Hate the game, not the player."

2010-06-08T22:35:00.002-04:00

"Wild and Wonderful"
Charlton Comics
Teen Age Love
Number 81
1972

Wild and Wonderful - two words that no doubt describe As Told To Stan Lee's unofficial mascot, Jonnie Love. Though you will more regularly hear him described as a Bearded Satan, both titles work.

As I wait patiently for another twelve Jonnie Love comics to arrive by mail, I though I would share my last story at hand.

In Wild and Wonderful we once again run into Jonnie Love as he hangs out with kids WAY too young for him.

I believe the cover says it best. "Even though Felicia is Doc's girl, she turns Jonnie on ... and she knows it! Can Jonnie Love resist this temptation?"

I've never known a bearded man that could.

Jonnie Love is nervous. And he should be. One more run in with the law and he might end up being the prettiest girl at the ball. Jonnie knows that his facial hair is like a magnet for the Fuzz but it is also this same skillfully trimmed Vandyke that keeps him swimming in the ladies.

It doesn't take much for Jonnie to outrun the mob of what I must assume are would be rapists, except for precious, precious gasoline.

Pleasure Lake, Jonnie's favorite place.

After the thrilling get away, Felicia, in her excitement , allows Jonnie to get to first base. But this doesn't please the second player in our tale.

Jonnie, instantly appealing to everyone who encounters him, soon hears the sad sorted story that has brought our three players together and though Jonnie's initial instinct is to punch his rival, it always is, he find himself getting involved.

And he knows why.

Of course Felicia is only human, and like all females around this bearded bad boy, she can't help but parade herself around like a large bottomed Gringa on a day trip to Tijuana.

And Jonnie can't help but make one attempt to lose the third wheel.

But, in the end, is forced to make his move with poor Dock watching.

Realizing that Dock doesn't plan to ever leave them alone, Felicia takes matters into her own hands and asks Jonnie to take her home, giving her an opportunity to be manhandled by a real professional.

Before leaving, Dock asks a favor of Jonnie as well.

Jonnie gives his word that he will let Dock's parents know where his is. But with Jonnie, pleasure always comes before business.

But all too soon, Jonnie find himself at the home of Dock Riley to deliver the promised message to his parents.

Dock's parents instantly sucome to Jonnie's charms. Expecially Mrs. Riley who quickly pulls together a meal to send with him when he leaves. Sexual frustration = bagged lunch.

I would wager that there is a steak in there.

That night sleep does not come easily to our hirsute lothario.

The next morning, with Jonnie's incouragement Dock returns to school to explain his absence and, hopefully, get put back on the team. This does not make Felicia happy.

Jonnie, of course, already knows the answer. Jonnie Love has nothing if not a intimate understanding of human nature.

Jonnie Love doesn't do seconds and this makes the best excuse ever to escape.

That was a close call for Jonnie Love, almost too close.

Jonnie Love lives the dream.

2010-06-01T22:55:00.002-04:00

"The Face of Love!"

Charlton Comics
Teen Age Love
Art by Eccio
Number 96
1973

There is not doubt that if there is a favorite here at As Told to Stan Lee it is none other than Charlton Comics' Jonnie Love.

Woman love you, men want to be him. Comic writers want to write about him, illustrators want to draw him. Comic covers long for his gentle caress.

Well, don't worry, there always seems to be enough of Jonnie Love to go round, as you'll see in today feature "The Face of Love!!"

Here, in this little nine page story you'll learn why Jonnie Love is known as the man who is always there when you need him. And, though he doesn't remember asking, is more than happy to take a little of what you're offering.

Please note: Jonnie Love just scored with both a mother and daughter. Most men would be texting their friends about now. Jonnie? He just drove away.

Gay For Lois Lane

2010-05-25T21:37:00.011-04:00

Need yet another blog in your life? Well I do! Please stop by and check out my new tribute to Lois Lane.

Gay for Lois Lane

Here I'll be sharing some of my favorite stories featuring the First Lady of Comics.

Sometimes your parents were right.

2010-05-24T22:30:00.001-04:00

"Time for a Change!"
Charlton Comics
Sweethearts
Art by Fred Himes (as Ezell)
Number 127
1972

Some stories are universal. Whether handed down as oral tradition, painted on the walls of a cave, or rendered with all the skill of a last minute submission to your middle school literary magazine. They are still as true today as they were in our distant past.

Today I bring you a little something from that latter category.

Time for a Change! is the universal story of the struggles of growing up. The hope and heartbreak as we endeavor to find our own identity, our true calling, awaken our passion and meet our destiny head on.

Oh, and for the recorded. The dad is completely right.

Melissa is a high school girl just starting to blossom into adulthood. Starting to come to terms with who she is - a girl with hip friends, groovy threads, and a reputation as a cool kid in school.

Maybe it is my age showing but if I had child hanging outside my house with a boy who looked like that, I would call him a freak too and send him packing. Also those flares are like two threads away from camel toe.

After her father reads her a letter he has received from her teachers regarding skipping class and another letter about unpaid parking fines, he takes matters into his own hands.

He forces her to dress like her mom and forbids her use of the car.

No car means Melissa is forced to spend the entire day at school. Without the option of skipping class she faces the daunting task of catching up her homework. A task that seems too overwhelming until Dennis Hart, a boy who I must assume has suffered a tragic accident in which the vertebrae at the base of his neck was damaged, offers to help.

Dennis then comes over to help Melissa with her school work wearing a green sports jacket. Despite the obvious choice of "gettin' some" attire, Melissa's dad does not seem to notice and welcomes him into the house.

It isn't long before Melissa can proudly tell Dennis, while he is on his undersized unicycle, that she has finally worked her math grade up to an A.

And despite her her matronly clothing, Dennis finally asks her out.

When Melissa goes to ask her dad if she can date Dennis, she tell him what every father wants to hear. That he was right.

Still on a high from his daughter's admitting that she was wrong, Melissa's dad offers Dennis the keys to his car to take his underage daughter to the drive-in.

Obviously sensing a trap, Dennis turns it down flat.

But since Dennis is wearing the matching slacks to his green "gettin' some" jacket, how could it not end with a kiss.

Hopefully the future holds a life of happiness, a bike with two wheels and a chiropractor.

Elopement Hid Our Sins

2010-05-20T23:05:00.007-04:00

"Elopement Hid Our Sins"
St. John
Pictorial Romances

Script by Dana Dutch
Art by Matt Baker
Number 19
1953

Between 1949 and 1955 romance comics represented twenty-five percent of comic sales. And for good reason! Before the Comic Book Code Authority became the dictator of the market place in late 1954, romance comics were more real to life, less formulaic and way more racy. And a hell of a lot of fun.

Elopement Hid Our Sins is no exception. Beautifully illustrated by Matt Baker, Elopement Hid Our Sins is a story of a worldly young woman who had grown weary of the loneliness of loveless affection.

Enjoy.

It's an honor just to be nominated!

2010-05-07T23:20:00.003-04:00

Hello all my peeps! I was pleased this morning to discover that the absolutely awesome Jacque Nodell of the inspirational comic blog Sequential Crush was kind enough to nominate me for a Kreativ Blogger Award! *BLUSH* Thanks Jacque.

She was not only cool enough to nominate me but also to explain to all what the heck being a Kreativ Blogger Award nominee entails. Here is a breakdown:

- You must thank the person who has given you the award. √
- Copy the award logo and place it on your blog.√
- Link to the person who has nominated you for the award.√
- Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting. √
- Nominate 7 other Kreativ Bloggers. √
- Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
- Leave a comment on each of the blogs to let them know they have been nominated.

So let's just jump right in shall we?

Here are a few tidbits of information about me that you might find amusing:

1. I have a fear of fish. Not eating fish, not keeping an aquarium, but a horrible fear of being accidentally brushed up against by a fish.

2. At the age of 12 I drove my parents car through the front plate-glass window of an optometrist's office.

3. Once, when traveling, I shared an elevator with the guy who played Bubba on Sanford and Son.

4. The singer/songwriter Johnny Horton, best known for singing "Sink the Bismark", "North to Alaska"and for winning a Grammy for his song "The Battle of New Orleans" is (was?) a cousin.

5. I once went clubbing with Fred Schneider. And as I'm sure you have guessed, he was a complete bitch.

6. I had an ex-boyfriend show up on one of those white-trash talk shows. Not surprisingly the shows theme was "I hate my roommate's boyfriend".

7. I have bootleggers on one side of my family and moonshiners on the other.

See, all things you didn't know about me and probably wouldn't have guessed!

Okay, last but not least the 7 other blogs I would like to nominate for this prestigious award:

1. First up, and I bet he won't be surprised, I would like nominate Mykal Banta of The Bloody Pulp, One of my absolute favorite blogs out there. Who would have thought the horror magazines I have avoided in the past were so totally awesome? Well, I sure didn't! Thank you Mykal Banta!

2. Next up, a blog I just stumbled across not very long ago but that has kept me terribly amused. Judge a Book by Its Cover is a hysterical blog that does exactly what it says it does. With a team of 5 with Maughta at the the lead, this is a blog not to be missed.

3. I'd also like to nominate Allan Harvey's Gorilla Daze. A great comic blog that covers a little bit of everything including its fair share of romance comics!

4. That brings us to John Foster's Accidental Mysteries a wonderful blog that describes itself as "a blog about photography, design, art, architecture, ephemera, found objects, pop culture, anonymous, outsider art, folk art, self-taught art, illustration, beauty, esoterica, auctions, discovery, art environments, mystery, vintage stuff and the magic that can be found in everyday things." I don't think I could have described it better.

5. I am a huge fan of pulp illustrators so it is a given that I would nominate B-Sol's Lots of Pulp. It is a fantastic blog that gives you a chance to see some of these beautiful covers that you probably wouldn't have seen otherwise.

6. Now, I would like to give this award to Brian B's What My Dad Saw. A beautiful blog where Brian shares a family history through the photographs of his father.

7. Last but certainly not least, ask yourself this - when was the last time you bought a piece of art? I am a huge fan of the prolific artist Eric Pardue. In fact, I own a few of his pieces. Here are some more recent examples of his work.

War on Terror

War on Terror - 2nd Install

The King Was Rockin' Crazytown...Then Linda Showed Up

Ms. Filbertson's Laundry (Die, Die, Die, My Darling)

Ms. Filbertson's Gentlemen Callers ( I Am Human and I Need To Be Loved)

He is terribly slow at updating his blog but when he does it is completely worth it. If you have seen his stuff in person at a gallery you will know exactly what I am talking about. Maybe my nomination will encourage him to get around to posting some of his more recent work. (BTW ... he does ship!)

Well I think that wraps it up. Now I just need to let everyone I have nominated know that I have done it.

Thanks again Jacque! I really do appreciate it!

Hello there. Did I mention I'm in politics?

2010-05-06T22:10:00.004-04:00

"Wife of the Party!"
Marvel Comics
Our Love Story
Number 28
Story by Gary Friedrich
Art by Sal Buscema
1974

Listen up! I'm going to tell you a little secret - I am obsessed with politics! You heard me, obsessed. I listen to NPR constantly and wholes days go by at the office where my television never turns from one of those 24 hour news channels. (Channels whose 24 hour format I know does more damage then good.)

Yet I still try to live by the rules of never talking about religion or politics with any one outside my own family.

But Stan Lee has always lived life by breaking all the rules. Rules like Give Credit Where Credit is Due and Don't Buy into Your Own Hype.

So, as a tribute to Stan Lee and also because I am totally stoked about getting to spend a few days in DC next week on work's dime, today I too will break the rules!

Wife of the Party! is a glimpse into the life of a politician. And the lives of the short skirt wearing volunteers trying to bed them.

But who could blame Sandy Grabowski? That Joe Thompson is quite the catch!

If there is ever a nuclear threat secret service will whisk President Obama off to some undisclosed location. Not for protection from radiation, NO, but to protect him from the line of woman volunteering to help him rebuild the human race.

So, next time your wife or girlfriend want to put a political sign in the yard, don't take your eyes off of her for a second.

So you want to loosen your man up?

2010-04-30T00:00:00.007-04:00

I know that Spectergirl is your go to for all your relationship advice needs, but she's been kind of busy. So sometimes it nice when your answer can be explained in one page.

(Charlton Comics' For Lovers Only #62)

See, he's already taking off the tie. The pants are never very far behind.
I don't think I could have explained it any more clearly than that.

I only read comic books for the stories.

2010-04-24T22:15:00.007-04:00

Yeah, that is what EVERYONE says but Charlton Comics knew better. Or maybe just knew you better than you knew yourself. Either way, apparently there was nothing like a "sexy" pin-up to sell books.

And nothing said sex-appeal like the Patridge Family. I mean the entire family and that weird manager guy and the dog.

First, a little something for the ladies.

Secondly, a little something for Mykal Banta.

Mykal, the overbite is kinda cute.

Maybe you wanted to be a Partridge Family sandwich?

"Laughingly yours"? Even Charlton knew no one found Danny Bonaduce appealing.

I don't even remember this kid.

Like some kind of Warhol triptic.

I'm really not sure who this was for. Maybe my grandma.

And, because sometimes it's hard to decide who's the hottest. And you might also be wanting to conserve wall space for those Chico and the Man posters.

Covers of Disappointment

2010-04-21T22:59:00.005-04:00

If you read comics you know the bitter sting of disappointment. Be it scooping up that issue of Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane whose cover, yet again, boasts the much anticipated matrimony of the titular character or all those issues of Batman whose cover's featured the death of Robin. (Well, except for that one time.)

Reading Romance Comics is no different! Bitter "Cover Disappointment" runs rampant. Like a man with a sock down his pants, appearances are not always what they seem.

Today I am going to share with you three prime examples of covers that make you think the inside story is going to totally kick-ass but that, in the sad light of day, is just another loser who doesn't look nearly as much like Cary Grant as you thought he did at last call.

Marvel Comics
Our Love Story
#35
1975

Oh, I know what you are thing, "Quick! To eBay!" but please don't jump the gun here. This good looking cover by John Buscema is like a slap in the face. In "And So We'll Be Married!", an actual "As Told To: Stan Lee" feature, our leading chick IS NOT in love with some yellow jump-suit wearing dork with a red sash tied around his thick middle. Nope! She is only at a Woodstock style hippiefest where the only band shown is too far away to see. There is no "Super Star" infatuation.

"Broken Promise .. Broken Heart!" is right!

DC Comic's
Young Romance
#157
1969

Damn! This looked like a great one. Sad, crying daughter, hussy of a mother both competing for a scarecrow of a man with a white Nehru jacket and, possibly, a black pompadour. But no, this Nick Cardy cover is a complete lie.

The mother is actually a dignafied redhead with a cute bob of a hair cut, an adorable button nose and a pair of respectable flats. The boy in questions, a clean cut blonde whose wardrobe seems to consist of only turtle-necks, v-neck sweaters and slacks.

The pain of this particualer disappointment was acute.

DC Comics
Girls' Romances
#144
1969

If stealing my 15¢ isn't enough, what exactly DOES Nick Cardy need to do to get arrested? Kill a man? Needless to say, in "I Couldn't Be Faithful" Diane COULD actually be faithful. And NEVER does she dance with a young Uncle Sam.

As with any hurts, the pain of disappointment does heal but, as it should, it leaves you a bit jaded.

Remember: Books should be judged by their covers, NOT comics.

Who the HELL is Chad Everett?

2010-04-18T22:35:00.008-04:00

I had the chance to do a little comic hunting this weekend and had a little better luck then usual. I was able to snag myself a DC "Falling In Love", several Charlton titles including "For Lovers Only" and "Hollywood Romances". I was even able to snatch up a little bit a 70's horror and a even a 1986 "Elvira's House of Mystery". (Oh yeah, I can feel the jealously.)

Well, while flipping though my new "Falling In Love" number 140 I came across an ad for a photo book. An ad for a photo book about a man I have never heard of.

So I would like to pose the question ... Who the Hell is Chad Everett? I mean really, I looked at like a thousand pictures of him on Google images, with and without a shirt and I do not know who this dude is. It is just hard to believe that a man that I do not even slightly recognize in 2010 warranted a photo book boasting "Many of the pictures have captions written by Chad ..." in 1973.

If you actually own this book you will, if only temporarily, be the coolest person I know. And EVERYONE wants to be the coolest person I know.

That is SO not the most important part of a relationship.

2010-04-12T00:05:00.005-04:00

"Apron Strings"
Charlton Comics
Just Married
Art: Art Cappello
Number 107
1975

Anyone who has ever told you that the most important thing in a relationship is communication is either a fool or a liar.

The only time communication is even a close second is when you are giving specific directions on the first.

In Apron Strings we meet a newly wed Vikki Driscoll whose husband doesn't seem to understand this basic truth. But it is pretty obvious that his mother does and will do just about anything she can to stop that horrible strumpet Vikki from deflowering her son.

It didn't look like poor Vikki had much of a chance against Mother Driscoll whose plan of attack was multi-faceted.

She may not have been able to stop her son Carl from marrying but she could certainly hinder his love life by working overtime to fatten Vicki up.

And, just as critical to the plan to destroy Vikki's dream of gettin' some, fattening up her son.

Nothing cripples the libido like a large snack before bedtime and Mother Driscoll knew it.

Mother Driscoll: 1 - Vikki: 0

Mother Driscoll's next move was to keep her son and his new whore too busy to even steal a moment alone. Busy with joyous family gatherings and, when absolutely necessary, with tragedy born of her own hands.

It wasn't long before the strain was just too much for poor Vikki to bear and soon the strain began to leak out into her only free moments with Carl.

And Carl, unaware of what was really lacking in his life, starting filling the void with other things.

And the seed of discontent planted by Mother Driscoll began to take on a life of its own.

Until it nearly destroyed everything Vikki was fighting for. A chance to make it with her lawfully wedded husband.

But even when all things appeared to be turning around, like Pavlov's dog, Carl's desires seem to trigger another kind of hunger.

So Vikki made one last desperate attempt to interest his husband in sex. The old standby, dirty movies. But even that didn't work out as she would have liked.

Vikki was beaten. She she was giving up. She just needed to tell Mother Driscoll that she had won.

If Carl could obtain all he needed from food, so could she.

Vikki's surrendered brought the approval of the entire family. But it also seemed to remind Carl why he had married her in the first place.

Maybe Vicki WILL finally get to third base!

Ask Spectergirl!

2010-04-05T22:39:00.005-04:00

Once again I am back to bestow upon you the wisdom that I alone possess. No, no, say nothing. Your undying gratitude is enough.

(originally answered incorrectly in Charlton Comics' Love Diary #87)

Dear Lonesome Anne,

Try not to picture this but your father got his freak on during the war. Don't be too surprised if one day there is a knock at the door and you discover that you have an older brother from Korea.

Until then abstain from dating Asians, or as you call them, "'Orientals" to avoid a potentially awkward situation.

Spectergirl